


What You Don't Know Might Change the World

by Foodmoon



Series: Oddball fics [11]
Category: Naruto
Genre: Adults being useful, Danzo dies, Different interpretations of words, Gen, Itachi dies, Other, Sasuke and Sakura get adopted into the Uzumaki clan, Sasuke isn't an Uchiha by blood, Strange mix of writing styles, Uzumaki Clan
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-26
Updated: 2019-01-11
Packaged: 2019-05-13 22:11:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 14
Words: 27,539
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14757233
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Foodmoon/pseuds/Foodmoon
Summary: What if Sasuke Uchiha wasn't an Uchiha by blood and no one knew?





	1. What if?

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Branch](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Branch/gifts).



> I'd really like to know what this site has against the 'Adults being useful' tag. Had to type it four times to get it to not disappear. (grumps)  
> I blame the weirdness of this on allergies and attendant exhaustion. But credit for sparking the idea goes to Branch's Cloud Hands fic.  
> Apologies for the weird mishmash of writing. I don't think I'm going to bother to fix it.  
> I have more headcanon on this and will try to finish it, but at the moment I'm getting to the point I need a break to work on something else because it's just sitting there staring at me.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Even though he's raised as one, Sasuke isn't an Uchiha, his mind works a bit differently. As a result he goes down a different path in life.

What if? And here I speculate. The looks of the various clans descending from the Sage of the Six Paths and his brother obviously take most of their looks from the humans native to the world, barring a few traits such as Hyuuga and Uchiha eyes. So what if the Uchiha clan ‘looks’ other than the eyes is actually a phenotype native to the Elemental nations, perhaps one larger group with smaller groups very loosely related roaming around at the time of Kaguya and her children intermarrying? So while the larger group intermarries with the Sage’s offspring and becomes the Uchiha Clan, there’s a reason people don’t just gasp and point _“Oh, an Uchiha!”_ every time one wanders through.

Running with that speculation, what if Makoto Uchiha’s second child is stillborn? Her husband is away on a mission, and she thinks _‘this will break him_ ’. So she goes down to the red light section of town and asks around and finds a prostitute who has just given birth to a boy who looks remarkably like her older son. The prostitute is not really in a position to raise a child and is _thrilled_ to be able to place her son in a clan, as the younger brother of the Clan Heir. So they trade children, the prostitute buries Makoto’s son with the funds she leaves for it, Makoto takes the prostitute’s son home as her own and neither of them tells anyone the truth.

Naturally, little Sasuke _doesn’t_ have the Uchiha bloodline trait because he _isn’t_ one. But that’s okay, there’s Itachi for heir, and not everyone awakens the sharingan. At least he has the ability to use chakra and is borderline genius with it for someone not born to the Clans. Fugaku doesn’t see it that way, of course. He doesn’t know. And he has Itachi as a yardstick. Itachi doesn’t care. Sasuke is his beloved little brother, first entrusted into his care mere months after Sasuke’s birth. Makoto takes good care of him and knows her husband loves him even if he’s bad at showing it. That’s all she needs to know, particularly with the immense pressures on the clan the Kyuubi’s rampage brings mere months after. The prostitute moves on after the Kyuubi attack before the rumors really get going, merely feeling unsafe in Konoha now. No one else even notices that something is _off_.

Sasuke is a genius after all, if not an _Uchiha_ genius, and he hero worships his father and brother, mostly his brother, so he works hard to catch up. The gap between the brothers never becomes so wide that anyone would attribute it to _not being actually related_.

Then the Uchiha Massacre happens, and Itachi, believing his beloved little brother is Uchiha to the core traumatizes him so he’ll seek revenge and become a hero to Itachi’s villain. But Sasuke _isn’t_ Uchiha, not really. His mind works differently, even though he was raised by the Clan, believing he is one.

Instead of hearing _“Get strong and avenge the clan if you can”_ in Itachi’s provocation, he hears, _“Killing you now wouldn’t be any fun, so I’m going to wait until you're stronger to come back and finish you off; good luck surviving, weakling.”_

It’s less surprise than one might think that his brother shares his father’s poor opinion of his abilities, given how many times his brother has claimed to be too busy to help him train over the last couple years. And everyone has always said he should be as good as his brother so he’s hurt but not surprised that his brother sees it as well and makes it part of his mad game to give Sasuke a few years and drive the point home inescapably instead of killing him with the rest of the clan, who apparently were worth killing immediately.

Itachi leaves, convinced that his brother will seek him out and kill him for the clan’s honor.

Sasuke’s first thought when he wakes is that he doesn’t _want_ to die, doesn’t want to ever see those he cares about slaughtered by a madman again. It’s not until a few hours later that he hears that the _entire clan_ has been killed, not just his parents. It changes his perception of Itachi’s words a little, makes him think that the _clan_ is the focus of Itachi’s madness and he’s just an incidental amusement. If anything, it makes him more terrified, but it also gives him a potential escape. _If he can just leave the clan, maybe he’ll be safe._

Naturally, it’s not that easy. Legally he’s now the only Uchiha and the Clan head. He throws himself into training, schoolwork, and delving into as many clan records as he can in search of a solution he can legally use.

He finally finds it about a year before graduation from Academy. All he has to do is be accepted into another clan to have legal grounds to dissolve the Uchiha as a clan. But he’s not so sure even that will work if his brother still knows he’s alive. He needs help he can count on for this and needs to be a legal adult as well, so the village elders and leaders can’t contest his decision based on his status as a child. So he needs to wait until he’s a genin and assigned teammates. In the meantime, he does more research to make sure he has the laws right.

Time passes and he graduates and is assigned to the same team as the loudmouthed Naruto and the creepily devoted Sakura. They fail spectacularly at the bell test, but their annoying sensei is willing to let them have a break and give them one more chance. He’s not sure if that’s a relief or not. As he and Sakura eat, subdued, he realizes that Naruto has no doubt that they’ll pass and is only concerned about missing a meal. It makes him curious.

“Why don’t you ever give up?”

Naruto pauses in his whining to stare at him a moment. “I can’t be Hokage if I give up, can I? And I’m going to be Hokage and everyone will respect me! Belie-!”

Sasuke stuffs food in his mouth to shut him up. He’s heard the spiel too many times by now.

Sakura gives him a wide-eyed look. “Sasuke-”

“We don’t have to listen to him if he’s eating.”

She hesitates, obviously torn between failing the test and failing to please him, but she’s a smart girl despite her weird obsession with him. It’s pretty obvious that they’re nowhere near competent enough to get even one bell off the annoying jonin instructor. Her eyes light up, and as Naruto opens his mouth to protest Sasuke’s opinion, she stuffs more food in his mouth.

Kakashi sensei shows up right then with an expression like the crack of doom. “You disobeyed a direct order. What do you have to say for yourself?”

Sakura freezes, then huffs. “So? We’ll just take the test again next time.”

Sasuke takes his time finishing his bite, then says just to be annoying, “He can hardly help us get the bells if he faints.”

If anything, Kakashi sensei’s face gets more forbidding. “You…pass. Those who disobey orders are trash, but those who abandon comrades are _worse_ than trash. Congratulations. You’re the first team I’ve ever passed.”

All three of them stare at him, then Sakura and Naruto are cheering. Officially genin. Officially a team. Officially adults. And…his team is probably his best bet for people he can trust. Which reminds him. He needs to find a clan willing to take him in. Other than the Hyuuga who, if Hinata is any indication, are too dithery in a fight to be willing to consider it. Or the Senju who are basically defunct. He’s pretty sure Kakashi sensei is a Clan head too, but he’s the only Hatake Sasuke has ever heard of and old enough that he’d probably have started rebuilding his clan by now if he had any intention of doing so. His eyes drift over his teammates, and he realizes that he really knows nothing about them.

“Hey, sensei. Are Haruno and Uzumaki clans too?”

That gets both his teammates to shut up and stare at their teacher in interest.

Kakashi stills, then answers carefully, “The Harunos are not. They are a small third generation ninja family with no bloodline inheritances.”

His omission of the Uzumakis in his reply doesn’t go unnoticed by the other two either.

“So the Uzumakis are a clan?” Sakura prods.

He freezes up again and doesn’t reply for a long moment, then sighs. “They were. I suppose I can tell you this much without committing treason, but there are things I am not permitted to talk about, nor is anyone other than the Hokage. Understood?”

“Yes, sensei!” they chorus.

Kakashi picks up a stick and starts drawing the symbol of their village, but stops with only the outer part of the leaf drawn. “Back before the Leaf was a village and the Uchiha and the Senju were still at war, the Senju made an alliance with a smaller sister clan called the Uzumaki.” Now he adds the inner curl of the leaf as if making a point. “As a result, Mito Uzumaki married Hashirama Senju. The Uzumaki were a clan known mainly for their mastery of seals, and lived in Whirlpool, largely isolated from other countries. Some of the smaller clans, such as the majority of the Hatakes,” He scratches a lightning symbol into the dust under the leaf, along with a series of other symbols that Sasuke doesn’t recognize as belonging to any clan. “-originally drawn to Konoha chose to move to Uzushio, in part to get away from the unrest Madara stirred up briefly within the village, and in part to help protect a valuable ally. Unfortunately, other nations had noticed how much havoc the Uzumaki could cause during wars when working with Konoha and saw that both Konoha and Uzushio were growing stronger. By the time I was a genin, Naruto’s mother was the only Uzumaki left.”

“My mothe-!”

He points his stick rudely at Naruto. “No. … Now, as I was saying. She married, and technically ended the clan by taking her husband’s name. However, it was the Hokage’s decision to give Naruto his mother’s surname. And as Konoha still officially honors the alliance to Uzushio by way of the whirlpool symbol, both the inner part of the leaf symbol and the symbol on our chunin and jounin uniforms, theoretically Naruto is a Clan head.”

“If I’m the Clan head of one of Konoha’s allies, why do people always whisper bad things about me?” Naruto’s tone is deeply hurt. “Shouldn’t they want me to rebuild my clan instead of wanting me to die?”

Kakashi sighs. “I can’t talk about that. There was an incident. Which I can’t talk about. Many people lost a lot and wrongly blame you for it. Which is _why_ I’m not allowed to talk about it. Understand?”

“Not really?”

“Well, you can ask the Hokage if you need to know more. For now, the best you can do is become a good ninja and earn some respect the hard way.”

“I’m going to be the _best ninja_! Believe it!”

“Sensei, could I join the Uzumaki clan?” Sasuke asks with fake casualness. Naruto’s weak, particularly for a Clan head, but he might be _willing_. And it’s not like _any_ clan is really strong enough to deal with Itachi. What he needs is something different than actual _skill_.

All three of them stare at him.

“That…That’s a bit…unorthodox, Sasuke, given that you are the head of a clan yourself. It is possible, in theory. If Naruto and the Hokage both agree to it. And if you agree to dissolve the Uchiha clan, which I can tell you, would meet a lot of resistance from the council and the other clans.”

Naruto stares at him with a painfully hopeful expression. “You want to be my family?”

Sasuke bites his lip, then decides that he really needs to just say it. “I wouldn’t mind. And I need my brother to believe I’m dead, because he promised to come back and kill me when I got stronger. And I…I don’t want that.”

Kakashi’s visible eye widens in startlement.

“I’ll protect you! Believe it! I-”

Sakura stuffs another bite in Naruto’s mouth before he can make himself sound stupider again. “If Sasuke’s going to be an Uzumaki, then so am I!”

“Maa, Sasuke, changing your name won’t make your brother think you’re dead.”

Sasuke takes a deep breath. “And that’s why I need your help, sensei. If it somehow gets around that _‘Sasuke Uchiha is no more’_ and I’m out of sight for a while, say on a mission, it would work, wouldn’t it? It would even be true. But I don’t know who to get to talk about it to everyone so my brother could hear it.”

Kakashi sensei regards him with a brief look of what he thinks might be surprised respect, then wipes some fake tears. “Maa, maa, my cute little student, already demonstrating knowledge of sneaky tactics and politics. I’m so proud!”

“So you’ll help, right, Kakashi sensei!?” Naruto enthuses.

The infuriatingly silly expression goes cool and aloof for a moment. “It’s in Konoha’s best interests if Itachi doesn’t come back, so I will help. Yes. However, that means that _you_ , Naruto and Sakura and Sasuke, can’t say a word of this to anyone else. Even with the Hokage’s agreement, which is not certain, you will have to be patient and very careful. One wrong word to one person you thought you could trust will end up with all three of you being Itachi’s targets instead of making Sasuke safer. Understood?”

“Yes, sensei.” Sakura agrees in a subdued but determined tone.

“I don’t, but I believe you, Kakashi sensei.” Naruto admits. “I won’t say anything to put Sakura and Sasuke in danger.”

Weirdly, Sasuke believes him. The kid is almost insanely determined. Witness his inability to make one clone yesterday and yet being able to make like twenty at a time today. It’s not the same technique, but they _are_ clones. Despite having failed at clones for more than four years. It’s almost as if Naruto is the same kind of genius as Itachi, only by way of stupid instead of smart. Huh. Come to think of it… “Sensei, why can’t Naruto do regular clones?”

A silver brow lifts. “He can’t? Hm. Well, regular clones require a much smaller amount of chakra and averagely decent chakra control. Shadow clones are basically a forbidden technique to genin and chunin because each one takes a large amount of chakra to create. The Uzumaki bloodline is known for having vast chakra reserves and longevity.”

Sasuke squints, because that’s not quite an answer.

Sakura blinks. “So, Naruto can’t do regular clones because he has too much chakra to have good chakra control?”

“Hm.” is Kakashi’s only answer this time.

Naruto perks up. “So that means I’m really awesome, right?”

“It means your chakra control sucks, idiot.” Sasuke tells him drily.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'd be willing to give Sasuke's biological mother a name if someone has any ideas for it.  
> Yes, Kakashi is implying that most of the Hatake clan died in the fall of Uzushio.


	2. Plans

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Sasuke takes action, Clan heads listen, and plans are made.

So here I speculate again. Kakashi is ex-Anbu, he knows there’s more to the Uchiha massacre than the public knows, but he also is a cautious man and is unwilling to overlook the possibility that Sasuke might be right. Maybe he helped with the cleanup from the Uchiha massacre, maybe not, but he has a lifetime worth of regrets despite being only 26, and he doesn’t want more. So he turns around and takes the kids straight to the Hokage, adding weight to their request simply by his presence and lack of disagreement.

The Hokage is unwilling to be convinced, but equally unwilling to explain to Sasuke the extenuating circumstances behind Itachi’s actions. With Kakashi’s silent support of them, he can’t simply brush aside the kids’ concerns and requests. Kakashi’s one of the ninjas he knows to be absolutely loyal to Konoha, but he’s soft hearted too and has changed sides in the past over issues he’s disagreed with. _(Namely, in betraying Danzo once he failed to killed Hiruzen and realized that Hiruzen was not as Danzo painted him and actually isn’t weak.)_ Kakashi’s loyal, but Hiruzen is older now, weaker. And while Kakashi is unlikely to ever attack him again, if he refuses to help on this issue, no matter how troublesome, Kakashi may lose respect for his decisions and question them in the future. With no heir in sight, it’s a weakness _Konoha_ can’t afford, to have one of their respected jounin questioning his judgement. Even if it only takes the subtle route of body language.

Hiruzen takes his pipe out of his mouth and blows out a stream of smoke. “Very well. I will summon enough Clan heads to have you confirmed as a Clan head, Naruto, Sasuke, and bear witness to the dissolving of the Uchiha clan and Naruto’s adoption of Sasuke and Sakura. However, none of you may speak of this to anyone outside of this event until I give you permission. If you do, there are those with the power to cause enough fuss to overturn both the confirmation and the adoption. You must allow time for there to be safeguards set in place to avoid this.”

“Yes, Hokage.” Sakura and Sasuke agree somberly.

Naruto nods, face still and serious. “That’s what Kakashi sensei said, Jiji.”

Hiruzen sighs and points his pipe at Naruto. “Do yourself a favor and call me Hokage in front of the Clan heads if you want them to agree to this.”

Naruto looks baffled at this, but nods again. “Okay, Jiji. I can do that.”

Naturally, confirming a Clan head when there are no other members left to do so requires the acknowledgement of at least one other Clan head. Unfortunately, Danzo Shimura is also a Clan head, the last of the Shimuras. Fortunately, even such conflicted cases such as Sasuke’s and Naruto’s don’t require a full quorum of Clan heads to confirm, just several well-respected Clan heads to agree. It is a simple matter to summon the heads of the Hyuuga, Inuzuka, Nara, Akamichi, and Yamanaka along with a few Clan heads from smaller, neutral clans who can be trusted to keep their mouths shut. Explaining is more difficult, and it’s unsurprising when several of them express doubt. But they are willing to listen to the kids’ case. Then the discussion devolves into discussing issues _(and around issues)_ that even Sasuke doesn’t entirely grasp despite his study of clan documents.

Finally, Shikaku nudges Inoichi and Chouza and gives a small head tilt towards Kakashi. Inoichi gets a look of thoughtful surprise and settles back in his chair, eyeing the trio of genin and their silent teacher. It is Chouza who asks, “And what do you think, Hatake Clan head?”

“Hm? Me?”

“Yes, that is a good point. You are their jounin sensei and ex-Anbu, Hatake. What is your assessment of their little plan?” Hiashi agrees.

“Well, I’ll think you all fools if you overlook the fact that you have a very good chance here to have an Uzumaki and an Uchiha working together in a position to be grateful to Konoha and particularly friendly to your clans, as well as an opportunity to avoid the return of an S-rank criminal bent on wiping out the Uchihas permanently.” Kakashi eye-smiles at them obnoxiously. “Besides which, Minato sensei was a genius seal master.”

There is a long moment of dead silence, in which even the three genin stare at him incredulously.

Then Tsume laughs loudly. “Alright, the Inuzuka recognize Sasuke Uchiha and Naruto Uzumaki as respective Clan heads to the Uchiha and Uzumaki.”

“I second that.” Shibi Aburame agrees quietly. “The Aburame recognize Sasuke Uchiha as the new Uchiha Clan head, and Naruto Uzumaki as the new Uzumaki Clan head.”

One by one, a few with reluctance but not outright resistance, the other Clan heads repeat their recognition of the two boys as Clan heads. And finally, at last, Kakashi and Hiruzen add their clans’ consent to the vote.

Naruto beams, then looks to Sasuke, because he has no idea what comes next. Sasuke looks solemn and maybe a little ill.

“As Uchiha Clan head, I formally name Itachi Uchiha outcast and an enemy of the Uchiha.” He swallows hard and doesn’t protest as Sakura puts a comforting hand on his elbow.

There are some grim looks and traded glances among the other Clan heads, followed by nods. “There hasn’t been such a case since Madara Uchiha parted ways with Konoha, but there’s never been another who earned such treatment so thoroughly, either.

“Very well.” Hiruzen agrees, sounding resigned. “It will be recorded. Now, as to your other request?”

Sasuke takes a deep breath. “Fellow Clan heads, as you know, the Uchiha are one of the founding clans of Konoha. I understand that the disappearance of the Uchiha clan name will cause unease in Konoha. However, the Uchiha are currently a clan of one member. Despite my skills, I am far from a match for my enemy, who I have cause to believe is merely waiting until I am a little stronger to return and kill me. I feel that does not serve Konoha either. Thus I ask that you honor my decision to dissolve the Uchiha clan and join the Uzumaki clan, transferring the properties of the Uchiha to the Uzumaki, giving the Uzumaki clan a proper place within Konoha. I further ask that you either aid or do not hinder my deception aimed at my enemy to make him believe I am dead and give me the time to properly learn more advanced Uchiha techniques from my clan’s library, so that I may continue to serve as a shinobi of Konoha.”

Hiashi looks faintly sour. “The Hyuuga are saddened by the necessity, but honor your decision as Clan head, Sasuke Uchiha. We recognize you as Sasuke Uzumaki and mourn the loss of the Uchiha.”

Shall we skip the following formal repetitions by the other Clan heads? They’ve already agreed to this course upon deciding to recognize Sasuke and Naruto as Clan heads, after all. Hiruzen, again, is the last to agree, both as the Sarutobi Clan head and as the Hokage.

“Naruto? I believe it is your turn.”

Naruto blinks, then looks faintly panicked and turns to his teammates and hisses, “What am I supposed to say?”

He ends up with Sasuke whispering in one ear and Sakura in the other while the adults do their best to not laugh outright at the spectacle.

“Um. Okay. Honored fellow Clan heads and Hokage, I ask that you recognize my adoption of Sasuke, formerly Uchiha, and Sakura Haruno into the Uzumaki clan.”

Inoichi is the first to respond this time. “Yamanaka recognize your adoption of Sasuke, formerly Clan head of the Uchiha, but I would like to hear Sakura’s reasons for wishing the adoption. You are your parents’ only child, correct? Won’t they object to you setting aside your family name?”

Sakura looks like she kind of wants to faint, but squares her shoulders. “I am my parents’ only child. However, we are not a Clan, and I believe that they expect me to set my family name aside in the future when I marry. Joining a Clan is a great honor, and I do not think they would be offended by me trading my name for the honor. But, even if they are upset, they love me and taught me to respect my own judgement. As a genin of Konoha, I am legally an adult, and they cannot block my choice even if they should wish to. And if Sasuke is going to be an Uzumaki, so will I.”

Inoichi’s mouth quirks. He’s not surprised by the amount of thought his daughter’s friend has put into this, but he is relieved. Even if her reason is questionable, she knows what legal ground she’s standing on. And a clan with three members has more _weight_ to it than a clan of one or two. “I see. That is acceptable. The Yamanaka recognize the adoption of Sakura Haruno into the Uzumaki clan.”

 _Sakura_ really is no concern in political matters, so there’s a general round of easy recognition of her adoption as an Uzumaki. Then they get down to laying out a plan, and shoo the kids off to go eat about halfway through, with yet another warning to tell no one if they want this to work. Danzo, of course, hears that the meeting occurred, and shows up to demand an accounting from Hiruzen. Hiruzen, though, is very tired of Danzo’s ambitions and has no intentions of seeing careful plans go up in smoke because Danzo happens to disagree. Which he will, given past experience. So he smiles at Danzo, a cheerful lazy old man smile, a flat look in his eyes, and says easily, “It’s none of your business. It was need-to-know only, and you don’t need to know.”

Danzo, of course, disagrees, because he _still_ believes that he’s the proper choice for Hokage, not a soft weakling like Hiruzen, but the look in Hiruzen’s eyes stops him. Last time he saw that look, Hiruzen had been close to killing him for attempting to have him assassinated. Has Hiruzen gotten wind of his latest plans? If so, he needs to bide his time and not give any hint of evidence that might lead back to him and his undisbanded Root. Hiruzen had spared him last time out of spite, but even he is not so soft that he will forgive another incident he has evidence for. Not after the Uchiha incident in the meantime. And only his careful cultivation of his fellow councilors’ opinions of the matter had kept Hiruzen from digging deeper _then_. He can better afford to postpone his activities for a few months than to allow any chance of evidence being found. It will be simple enough to pick them up again when Hiruzen can no longer justify trying to find evidence.

So, instead of pushing, he backs off and sees himself out.

Behind him, as the door closes, Hiruzen’s eyes narrow in suspicion. It’s been a while since he’s seen that specific behavior from Danzo. And at no time has it ever had good results for Hiruzen or Konoha. Danzo’s vision of Konoha is sly, ruthless, and centered around his own wish for power and petty fears. He wishes he could let the suspicion slide, but…no. Konoha has suffered enough for Danzo’s schemes. It is time to start building a case against him so he can be quietly retired. It makes him grimly satisfied that he has chosen to avoid the council altogether and not allow them to interfere with the plans set in motion. Even though Sasuke is undoubtedly wrong about Itachi, he deserves peace of mind, and Naruto deserves people who will have his back against the village’s prejudice. And somehow, the three have managed to get Kakashi invested in them, which is all to the good. Kakashi is soft hearted and has seen far more than his share of heart ache. He deserves more good memories to go with the bad.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The Clan heads are more willing to listen simply because the council has obviously been deliberately excluded. They're also (at least the majority) in the know about what really happened when the Kyuubi got loose and was sealed again.  
> Another consideration is that while there's a lot of fear of Naruto and still the suspicion that an Uchiha was the cause of the Kyuubi getting loose, these folks are old enough and informed enough to realize that Naruto himself is not a particular danger and having the last Uchiha willingly give him his loyalty lowers the possibility of another _'we think an Uchiha broke the seal'_ event. Of course, none of them know Sasuke isn't an Uchiha by blood, not even Sasuke or Itachi. Kakashi may eventually have his suspicions, though.


	3. Home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Naruto and Sakura move into the ~~Uchiha~~ Uzumaki compound. There's a few casualties.

Naruto and Sakura move into what is now the Uzumaki compound, though Sakura still goes home at night to her parents’ house to maintain appearances. Theoretically, it is Naruto’s, _theirs,_ now, but they respect that it is Sasuke’s heritage, Sasuke’s memories, ghosts living here through his memories, and are careful to not presume. Sasuke, however, has as many unwanted memories as happy ones, and now that he’s accepted the other two into his life as permanent fixtures he _wants_ them to overwrite the past, disturb his ghosts until they go away. They’re not real ghosts, just ghosts of memory. He offers them any house they want and they take the two closest to his.

Sakura, naturally, remakes hers with lots of red in the décor, bold for all the half-timid good girl she portrays. It’s _hers_ now.

Naruto, on the other hand, is surprisingly minimalistic in his décor, other than putting a few frog shaped items and touches of orange. His cupboards are stocked full of instant ramen, sold by one of the shops that doesn’t mind his business as long as he pays. But perhaps the minimalism isn’t _too_ surprising, given that he doesn’t _live_ there. Instead, he’s moved into the room next to Sasuke’s. The one that used to be Itachi’s.

Well, _sort of._ Originally he does, until he makes Sakura mad enough to storm into his room after him, ducks, and ends up with a hole in the wall instead of a bump on his head. And while Sakura’s busy guilting about causing property damage to _Sasuke’s house_ , Naruto looks at the wall, at her, back at the wall, then asks, “Hey, Sakura, do you think you could break that wall if you did that again?”

They’ve been running themselves ragged with D ranks at Kakashi sensei’s insistence, even with the use of Naruto’s clones, and Sakura is a lot stronger than she was a few months ago. She also has a gift for chakra control that both boys envy.

And after a conversation that went like this,

_“I get why you don’t want to be an Uchiha anymore, but why are you willing to listen to that idiot?” Sakura asks in distaste._

_Sasuke gives Sakura a long, cool look. “Because he sees **me** , not my face, not my family. He treats me like a person, not some idol to drool over.”_

_Sakura winces, realizing that she’s one of those people who treat Sasuke like that, even if it’s because she loves him. He doesn’t seem to hate her for it, but he obviously doesn’t appreciate it. “Sorry, I- Just- But he’s such an idiot!”_

_He smiles a little. “Yeah, he is. But he’s also our Clan head now, Sakura. We can make him listen if we need to, but if we don’t respect him, who will? Clans who don’t respect their Clan head are weak, and others will use that against them.”_

_“Oh. I guess- I guess you’re right.”_

Sakura is willing to at least listen to Naruto’s ideas now.

She eyes the wall consideringly. “Yeah, I think so. Why?”

“Well, cuz, this used to be Itachi’s room, right? And even though I’ve changed it a little it still looks a lot the same and it makes Sasuke sad to be reminded about him, y’know? So I was thinking if we made the room different it might be better.”

“Huh. Okay.” _Sasuke sad_ isn’t something Sakura can tolerate if she can change it. “Move aside.”

Naruto moves to sit on his bed while Sakura calculates, then draws back her fist.

The loud crash that ensues brings Sasuke to look and then stare at the resultant mess. “What is going on here?”

Naruto beams at him. “Sakura’s helping me do some remodeling!”

“I see…that.” Very little of the wall is left, and mostly just at the corners. It doesn’t look like an accident, either. It’s too precise for that. And it’s very weird to see his parents’ bedroom connected now as it is to Naruto’s. Weird but…well, trust Naruto to disturb his strongest ghosts without a clue.  Maybe he should do some disturbing of ghosts himself. “Okay.”

Naruto and Sakura look a little appalled the next day when they find him burning a pile of Uchiha fan symbols that he’s collected from all over the compound, but they don’t say anything. It’s more cathartic than expected. For the first time, the fear he’s lived with for years subsides a little and he thinks maybe this _will_ work out. Because for all his plans, some part of him has been convinced until now that Itachi will somehow just _know_ and come for him anyways.

And if a stack of empty wall plaques and some paints show up in his room a few days later? Well, his clan-mates aren’t _total morons_. He smiles a little viciously as he picks out the brightest orange of the lot and starts painting spirals with jagged edges that remind him of fire and a tail that trails out at the bottom instead of wrapping in. A hint of the Uchiha in the new Uzumaki symbols. A pleasing compromise showing the merging of clans. Because the Uzumaki clan isn’t just Naruto’s, it’s _theirs._ His and Sakura’s as much as it is Naruto’s. When the orange is dry, he picks out a red and traces delicate cherry blossoms over the center of each spiral. Because if Naruto is the one who pulls them into his orbit and Sasuke is the one who refuses to die for mere pride, Sakura is the one who centers them with her insights and advice. Naruto sees _people_ , Sasuke sees _laws and traditions_ , but Sakura sees _logic_. She sees the ordinary where Sasuke and Naruto _can’t_ because of their past status and lack of status respectively. Even when it’s grudging on her part, she’s their balance. And _that_ deserves acknowledgement as much as either the Uchiha skills or the Uzumaki strength. They aren’t a clan of one, or two, but three. Maybe they can’t show the world that, but they can show it within their own walls.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> These chapters are very random in length because they're basically writing breaks not properly planned chapters.
> 
> In canon, there's a few peeks into Sasuke's psyche that indicate deep feelings towards comrades (pre-Orochimaru) and a belief that Naruto is his best friend (despite Orochimaru). So all I'm really changing here is his initial focus in reaction to Itachi's words. Well, that and a better awareness of clan and inter-clan customs. I kind of feel that canon Sasuke was pretty much treated like a civilian in how he was taught other than some fighting skills and jutsus. I think I understand Kishi's reasoning for it, but I feel it's kind of silly. Old clans have 'an heir and a spare' for a reason, and even if the spare doesn't get as much training in such things, they get a basic training in case the unthinkable happens and they lose their heir without warning.


	4. Action

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A mission goes sideways and plans are set into action. Plans that go conveniently sideways, because it amuses me.

Their first C rank mission has a terrible client and turns out to be actually an A rank, but they can’t abandon it as much as the client deserves to be abandoned, because their absence from Konoha is important. Two weeks gone and one of Kakashi’s nin dogs ostentatiously carries a message to the Hokage and the careful plans laid in place kick off. Various members of the Mother’s Defense Force who’ve been tagged for the plan tell whining daughters who are complaining about Sasuke’s absence that, _“Sasuke Uchiha is no more.”_

Hiashi Hyuuga mentions it to his clan with a grim face.

Inoichi and Shikaku and Chouza mention it when they go out to drink, looking serious and sad before openly changing the subject.

Tsume talks about it in a bar while out on a mission. “The last Uchiha, gone, just like that. He was my son’s age, y’know? Top of his class, too. Such a shame. Makes me worry for my own kid, y’know?”

“I as well,” Shibi agrees gravely, carefully ignoring some over-attentive ‘drunks’ nearby. This is a bar that several Akatsuki have been noted to visit occasionally. “The loss of one member can often be fatal to small clans such as mine.”

“Oh, yeah. You lost your older kid, didn’t you?” Tsume says sympathetically, just another ninja parent worrying over her kid and regretting the loss of those fallen, then raises her mug in a toast. “To the Uchiha and lost clans.”

~

It doesn’t take long before the gossip is all over Konoha and Danzo storms into the Hokage’s office. “ _This_ is what your secret meeting was about, wasn’t it?”

Hiruzen sets his pipe on the desk and folds his hands. “It is unfortunate. However, Sasuke wished to make sure we were prepared and to provide for his teammates. There was nothing to be done, and he did not wish for Konoha to be upset prematurely.”

Danzo remembers hearing of Itachi’s illness from the information his agents had gathered and narrows his eyes. It is terribly convenient to his own plans, but Hiruzen has never been able to lie to him worth a damn and apparently he’s been worried over being discovered for _nothing_ these past months. _Ridiculous_. “So the Uchiha compound is-?”

“Yes, it has been turned over to his teammates legally.”

 _Oh, so this is why_. Hiruzen hadn’t wanted to let the council try to intervene with the jinchuuriki being left possessions. And if he protests _now_ , well, Hiruzen might _actually_ look at his activities more closely. He’s shocked that the other Clan heads agreed to it, though. “I see. Do you think his teammates will be willing to open the compound to others? Given civilian requests for more housing lately?”

Hiruzen picks up his pipe. “I couldn’t say.”

 _That’s a ‘no’, then._ And he doesn’t know enough about the jinchuuriki or his remaining teammate to try to talk them into it any time soon. _How unfortunate_. It would be an easy way to keep operatives close to the jinchuuriki in case he steps out of line, a good place to hide his agents in plain sight. “Perhaps they can be persuaded.”

Hiruzen takes a drag off his pipe and breathes out smoke before replying in a neutral tone that makes his dislike of the option clear, “Perhaps.”

Danzo goes away making plans for tricking two gullible genin into doing what he wants.

When he’s gone, Hiruzen smiles viciously. Some of his most trusted ANBU have been assigned to watch Danzo carefully over the next several months.

~

It takes longer for word to reach Itachi.

Tsume’s and Shibi’s conversation was designed to seem natural instead of planted information, but Itachi reads it a little differently than intended. To his mind, they are anything but subtle, but he’s grateful to them. Terribly grateful. Because there’s only one person who could be behind such a _convenient_ death of the heir of the Uchiha. And Tsume and Shibi have made it clear just how _convenient_ the death is.

Itachi makes a visit to Konoha, wrath and despair in his heart in equal measures.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't you think they had a lot of fun with pulling one over on everyone?  
> The mothers especially. It must get tiring to hear fangirl coos over a kid you know your daughter has no chance at for years on end.  
> I'm going out on a limb here and giving Hiashi a dark form of humor. It probably gives him a lot of satisfaction to say something like that. After all, the Uchiha are the only other eye dojutsu around in Konoha, kind of a 'got rid of our annoying rivals' kind of pleasure. But at the same time realizes how detrimental _actually_ having the sharingan gone from Konoha would be, so he doesn't really want them gone and gets amused that by helping 'save' Sasuke he gets to go around implying he's dead. I'm not sure if he realizes Itachi would never actually try to kill Sasuke or not, but seeing an entire clan all but wiped out would put doubts in anyone's head and Sasuke is certainly convinced enough.  
>  And yes, sadly, Haku and Zabuza die as in canon. Sasuke doesn't get the sharingan (obviously never will) but his soldier-gift of time slowing to his perception works out about the same in the circumstances.


	5. Itachi

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Itachi's reaction to the rumors.

Hiruzen freezes at the touch of a weapon against his spine. He can feel it trying to drink his chakra, which likely means it’s Samehada, the weapon of Kisame Hoshigaki, one of the Seven Swordsmen of the Mist and last reported as a missing nin. What he doesn’t understand is _why_ he’s here. Until a familiar voice says,

“You broke your word.”

His eyes widen as he meets red and black eyes. “Itachi, that’s not-”

“I don’t care to hear it. I don’t plan to kill _you_ , because that would not be in Konoha’s interest, but you will _suffer_.” He hears as he is drawn against his will into a world that is a graveyard, a place to torture criminals with slow death by crucifix, terribly aware of their own doom. Too late to avoid it, and fighting it isn’t an option with Samehada trying to feast on his chakra. He tries anyways, because he is the Sandaime Hokage and he cannot go without a fight. It is his duty to protect Konoha to his last breath.

Kisame and Itachi are long gone by the time an ANBU guard frowns and drops down to check on the oddly still office half an hour later and finds the Hokage laying on the floor, unconscious and in a state of chakra exhaustion.

~

Danzo is found, burned almost beyond recognition with the supposedly long-missing eye gouged out in an unknown underground facility a few days later when Torune Aburame, long thought dead, shows up at the Nara compound and motions Shikaku to follow. He cooperates with ANBU to deal with the bewildered and mistrustful agents that Danzo has somehow acquired under their noses and to go through the records. What they find is horrifying, but considering it is _Danzo_ involved, Shikaku is less surprised than simply sickened. It is satisfying to be able to plunk down copies of evidence in front of the remaining council members who have so often taken Danzo’s side against the Hokage over the years. Combined with the records, the autopsy reports reveal an extent of greed that even Homura and Utatane cannot excuse in the name of doing what’s best for Konoha. It is clear that they have been deliberately manipulated, and both of them slowly go from annoyed at being bothered with records of things they agreed with to outright fury at being used.

~

Orochimaru hears the news from his spy in a fairly short amount of time and reconsiders his aims in regards to Konoha. With his betraying sensei in a coma and the Uchiha boy and Danzo dead, there’s no one to prove anything to and nothing to warrant his interest. Moreover, his spy is in imminent danger of being exposed. Kabuto is too useful to throw away, so he summons him to abandon his mission and come home to the Sound.

~

Itachi’s next move is to turn on the Akatsuki with a vengeance, taking down first the annoying Tobi with Kisame’s aid. The creepy clones that come after them are next, the black one first, followed by the shocked white one. The puppet master Sasori is next, because he is too good at planning to be allowed time to strategize. It is easy to bait Hidan and his partner into trying to take down Pein and Konan. Not so easy to take advantage of both sides weakness in the aftermath and finish them off, but they manage. Sasori’s bomb happy partner Deidara is harder to track down and killing him is almost the death of both of them.

Kisame recovers, more slowly than he’d like, but there’s no urgency now. Orochimaru has left the Akatsuki and Itachi knows enough of his situation to really not care about him. And even as he heals, slowly, so slowly, it becomes apparent that he’s not going to survive much longer. His illness will be his death.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sure Orochimaru will find some way to get in trouble, but I could care less.
> 
> It's probably pretty obvious why 'Tobi' was taken out first, followed by Black Zetsu. Honestly, in a straight up battle Itachi and Kisame would probably be outmatched badly, but Itachi just lost the one thing that mattered to him other than Konoha's survival and his defining characteristic is 'genius'. All he needs is a little surprise and better coordination with Kisame on his side given Samehada's attribute of 'drinking chakra' and leaving vicious multiple wounds if it makes contact.  
> Itachi destroys Shisui's other eye, believing there is no one left to leave it to, rather than take it back. I'm a little uncertain if Danzo canonically had the extra Uchiha eyes implanted at this point in time or not, but the Susanoo fried them if they were.


	6. Garden

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sasuke gets a little crazy at even willing confinement in a relatively large area and a garden happens.

They arrive home to the news that Danzo is dead and the Hokage is in the hospital, still in a coma. The mission was rough and they are shaken. They’re only alive because Zabuza more or less disregarded them and Haku never had any intention of killing them before he sacrificed himself to save Zabuza and Zabuza died in the wake of Gato’s betrayal. They should be jubilant about completing an A rank mission on their first time, and they _are_ , but…

It’s forced somewhat.  
  
Naruto is sad because of Haku.  
  
Sakura feels sharply how useless she was in combat, despite her skills, because she’s not fast enough to keep up with A ranked enemies and she never really got a chance to _use_ her skills and Sasuke and Naruto almost _died_ even though Naruto somehow beat Haku at the last.  
  
Sasuke is anxious about how the plan to make Itachi think him dead is going and even seeing Naruto almost die hasn’t awakened his sharingan. And from what he’s read in the clan records, it _should have_. If his father was still alive, if there were any other Uchihas left, he’d be a disappointment, a failure. The only reason he did as well as he did was because apparently _time slows down_ for him when he’s in the middle of a stressful battle. It is, perhaps, an uncommon trait, but Kakashi sensei says that it’s not actually the manifested sharingan, not a bloodline trait, just a rare ability that crops up among ninja far more than among civilians. To top it off, he has to slink into Konoha under disguise so as to not disrupt the rumors, and he knows the tragic faces Naruto and Sakura wear are less pretense than they should be.

Finding out that the Hokage is unconscious and Itachi has been in Konoha despite the rumors makes them all glummer.   
  
Sakura’s parents know the truth, but that only means that they play along when Sakura weeps on her mother’s shoulder and publically sequesters herself in the ‘Uchiha’ compound shortly after. It leaves her feeling rootless, despite having Sasuke and Naruto on hand. Having the councilors show up and assure them stiffly that they will refrain from opposing the re-formation of the Uzumaki clan and support the deception set up by the Clan heads and the Hokage is…well, unnerving.

The chunin exams are canceled on the vague excuse of ‘internal affairs’ because even though the Hokage wakes a few days later, he is weak from his encounter with Itachi and Kisame. None of them care about the exams, of course. They’ve only been genin for a few months, and disassociating Sasuke Uchiha and Sasuke Uzumaki in the public mind is far more important than how quickly they advance to chunin.

This, of course, is a lot more complicated and frustrating than simply disappearing into missions would be. It is necessary that Sakura and Naruto be seen moping, so when they’re not holed up in the compound, Naruto is dragging a reluctant Sakura out to eat ramen or buy some necessities.  
  
Unfortunately, Sasuke’s part involves simply staying out of sight, which means he gets irritable and anxious a lot. Even Kakashi sensei appearing every day when he’s not on solo missions to teach them new things and oversee their practice is not enough to keep him steady. Sakura doesn’t say a word the first time she finds him sprawled in sleep next to Naruto because the only way Naruto could get him to sleep was to _hold him down_ by way of a hand planted firmly between his shoulder blades until he gave up and went to sleep, but she does look sad. She doesn’t say anything about it the times after, either, just huffs and drags them out of bed to help with whatever project she has in mind at the moment. Honestly, he’s glad she’s on their side, because she’s going to be a vicious woman when she gets a little older.

Eventually, Sakura spends a week practicing earth jutsus in his mother’s old garden, with Naruto darting in now and then to rescue a plant that is apparently _not a weed_ now and then as it’s uprooted _(he has a surprising green thumb)_ , then Naruto smooths out the mess. And the next day they show up with a 12-pack of tomato plants for Sasuke to plant.   
  
Gardening is…weird. It reminds him of his mother and the time Itachi spent now and then telling him about plants. But _tomatoes_ , and this garden really isn’t the same. There’s his tomatoes, and there’s Naruto’s haphazard patch of _whatevers_ rescued from the old garden, and there’s a mix of bright red and blood red flowers all around the perimeter which he’s not sure if it’s Sakura’s idea of a garden or just her interpretation of _Ino’s_ idea of a garden, but is certainly unique either way. This garden isn’t his mother’s, it’s _theirs_ and working in it settles him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Naruto and Sasuke are closer than brothers or friends, but not going to step over that line to lovers. However, their attachment is going to make life very interesting for any future wives. Sakura isn't quite sure what to think, but she understands when it's something she can't step between. Naruto is probably too good-natured to do anything about it, but Sasuke gets vicious when upset.  
> Sasuke's affinities and skills and a fairly large portion of his personality are canon typical, but here and there he's a more cautious, sensitive soul. If his abilities were too different, probably Fugaku and Itachi would have picked up on it before the massacre. So basically, 'part of the personality and affinity comes with the phenotype'.  
> And I'm pretty much doing whatever the hell I want at this point in the AU. Sorry/not sorry.  
> Also, sorry to those I haven't answered recently on other stories. I find it very difficult to compose replies that make sense when my head is trapped in the middle of a writing zone. I promise I'm not intentionally ignoring you.


	7. Debut

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sasuke debuts as an Uzumaki. No dresses or fancy parties involved.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It was nagging, because I posted the original six chapters because I was tired of writing when this came up so I didn't feel like typing it up. Blah. On the bright side, it's probably more coherent for the wait.

It is five months, five long, eternal months before they’re allowed to put the next part of the plan into action. Sasuke is pretty sure it would have been _eight months_ if he hadn’t snapped and accidentally actually tried to _kill_ Kakashi sensei during training with no overt provocation for it on Kakashi’s part beforehand. Of course he’s no match for a jounin, particularly one they’ve learned on their _one and only C rank (A rank)_ is actually an S rank ninja in the bingo book. Kiri’s version, at least. He loses pathetically, but his attacks are close enough to surprise Kakashi sensei into putting away his silly book in favor of _(taunting)_ praising his killing intent. A genin’s killing intent is nothing to someone who’s made it to jounin, after all, so in this case it’s only working against him, making it obvious where he’s attacking from. _(He’s not stupid enough to think he’s not obvious to Kakashi even without it, though. Normally the man just dodges or blocks all his attacks without looking away from his book.)_

He can’t even bring himself to stay annoyed about it, though, because _finally_. So he sneaks out of Konoha under a civilian henge and returns by way of the gate as Sasuke Uzumaki, supposedly looking for his _relative_ he’s heard lives in Konoha. The gate guards on duty are _not_ in on the plan, because they’re known as terrible gossips and probably couldn’t keep the secret if their lives depended on it.

The choice of outfit is his. He butchered one of Naruto’s jumpsuits and turned the top into a jacket, wearing it over a red shirt Sakura made Naruto go buy him after she caught him with a kunai contemplating one of her red qipaos. _What? She’s flat chested enough and wears it loose enough that the top would’ve fit fine! There had been no call to remodel the dining room trying to kill him over something he hadn’t even done! (Though he has to admit, the new picture window they patched the hole with is very nice, overlooking the garden as it does.)_ To top off the ‘Uzumaki resemblance’, he’s grown his hair a little longer and pulled it back in a loose braid, with a wide stripe of bright orange dyed along the right side.

 _Nothing_ is going to make him look like an Uzumaki by blood instead of an Uchiha, but the bright orange and reds and different hairstyle should be enough in tandem with the new habits of loud _(rude, Kami it’s so nice to be rude; he’s so glad he doesn’t have to uphold the Uchiha clan dignity anymore)_ speaking in public and less restrained movements that Naruto and Sakura have drilled into him to loosely establish in the minds of the gullible that he is related to Naruto by way of fashion choice. Most of the not-gullible are on their side anyways, so he’s not concerned about it.

Of course it’s not long before he’s escorted directly to the Hokage’s office, where the old man is waiting, looking amused at the hubbub his entrance has already caused. He puts his hitai-ate back on, has a pointless chat for a couple minutes, then gets to wander freely through Konoha for the first time in _five months_. It’s hard not to laugh at the looks he gets as he meanders along, seemingly aimlessly, because the expressions are _hilarious_ , a mixture of excitement, appalled, and slightly spooked.

He loudly introduces himself as Uzumaki Sasuke to random people, asking if they know his relative and where to find him. Not all of them are among Konoha’s nosiest gossips, but the ones who aren’t are standing well within hearing range of one.

It’s not coincidence when he practically runs into Sakura and Ino in the middle of the busiest shopping district.

Sakura’s a good actress. She reaches towards him, hands trembling. “Sa-Sasuke? Sasuke!”

He turns, pretending slight surprise, with a shit eating grin and says loudly, “That’s my name! Sasuke Uzumaki!”

“Sasuke! It’s you!” Sakura lunges at him and he flinches back on instinct because usually when she makes that motion she’s trying to hit him and getting hit by Sakura is _not healthy_ , even if she’s not as lethal to humans as she is to buildings yet.

Ino snags her around the waist and holds her back. “Sakura! It’s not him!”

She looks doubtful at her own words, but is more concerned about her friend’s breakdown in public. _(She’s not in on the plan, her father insisted her reactions need to be honest.)_

“Whoa, lady! I don’t know who you think I am, but I’m not him!” Sasuke gives her a leery look. _(Was lunging at him in the plan? He’s pretty sure it wasn’t. Then again, maybe this is what she needs to convince Ino?)_ Then he squints in an exaggerated manner. “Pink hair. Oh hey, you aren’t my relative’s teammate, are you? The Haruno girl? The one with the team that had someone with the same name as me on it? The Hokage said I’m replacing him on your team. Do I really look that much like him?”

Sakura faints. Well, pretends to. Ino’s startled enough that she doesn’t seem to notice it’s fake.

Sasuke gawks, because there was supposed to be a few more lines said before she sinks to her knees sobbing. _(Which he hates. Not so much crying women as crying Sakura. Even fake tears. She’s part of his family now; he doesn’t want to see family in tears.)_ So, okay, fake fainting is easier on _him_ at least. “Um. Blondie. You wouldn’t happen to know where I can find my relative, would you?”

Ino looks up from Sakura to glare at him. “I can’t believe the Hokage was cruel enough to put _you_ on her team!”

He raises his hands in surrender and laments, “I didn’t even _do_ anything. The way I look isn’t _my_ fault.”

She glares harder, then says, “You might find Naruto at Ichiraku’s if you hurry. It’s that way.”

He beams at her. _(Which hurts. He has no idea how Naruto does it so easily all the time. Faces probably aren’t normally made to move that way on a regular basis. But then again, it’s Naruto, who is the very definition of abnormal. Maybe he’s just done it so much that his face automatically sticks that way now most of the time.)_ “Thanks, blondie!”

Sasuke runs off before Sakura can change the script on him again _damned pinkie_.

At least Naruto follows the script, entirely ignoring the ‘resemblance’ in favor of latching on to _family_ and Sasuke gets plowed over in an enthusiastic hug. Which is annoying, but Naruto had insisted, and he doesn’t dodge on reflex even though he really, really wants to, because if nothing else, Naruto is his Clan head and had _insisted._ So he lies flat on his back and gingerly pats Naruto’s back in response to the overly enthusiastic hug. It’s actually the best of their options, given that it means they have less lines to remember and Naruto has a tendency to giggle if he has to say more than five lines in a row while meeting his eyes. But now he has dust from head to foot all down his back. _Annoying_.

Not as annoying as the wannabe genin snots _(a group from their class who failed their team tests)_ who stop by them to sneer down at them. “There’s _two_ of the loser freaks now?”

Sasuke sneers back, viciously, and only Naruto’s weight on top of him keeps him from directing killer intent at them. His tone is almost civil for the amount of hostility he puts into it, but he does remember to be loud as he states, _“Do not_ talk about my Clan head that way again, _civilians_ , or I’ll rip your tongues out for disrespect.”

Naruto sputters in shock and Sasuke wraps his arms around him to keep him from getting up and trying to diffuse the situation.

“We’re not civilians!” the snots reply, pointlessly offended. _Which really, is the point. **They** are the losers, since they haven’t even managed to become genin._

“ _Really_? Then where are your hitai-ates? Hm? Oh right, only _ninja_ can wear those.”

Naruto sighs in his ear. Then gets up despite his hold, dragging Sasuke with him. Like he doesn’t weigh the same as he does. It’s _obnoxious_ , but so Naruto. And Sasuke can’t actually stop him without turning it into a tussle, which he isn’t going to do in front of these _disrespectful snots_.

“Uzumaki’s not a _clan_!” One of them manages, as they all turn red in mortification.

“Maa, that’s not true, kid.” An older shinobi says, pausing on her way into Ichiraku’s, “The Shodai’s wife, Mito, was an Uzumaki. So was the Yondaime’s wife, Kushina. The Uzumaki have been allies since Konoha began. Have a little respect.”

“B-But everyone says he’s bad.” The boy manages in a bewildered, defiant tone. “And he couldn’t even keep his teammate alive on a C rank!”

“Oh, you mean the one the client _lied_ about and was actually an A rank that involved facing down S rank missing nin? The mission they completed _successfully?_ ” she says sweetly. Sasuke makes a mental note to never cross this woman, because she’s _terrifying_ and definitely should not know that. “His teammate obviously didn’t think he was bad, since he made sure his estate went to young Uzumaki. Maybe you should quit listening to resentful people who believe blaming children for things they didn’t do is a smart life decision, hm?”

They scurry off under her stare.

She leans close briefly as she passes him and Naruto. “I don’t know what you brats are up to, but if you need my help, let me know.” She doesn’t give them a chance to reply before she walks into Ichiraku’s.

Her level of _terrifying_ doubles instantly in Sasuke’s opinion. It was bad enough when he assumed that she was in on the plan and trusted to leak such information if an opportunity presented itself. That she chose to leak it on her own recognizance _(and knew it at all without being in on the plan)_ without fearing lash back from doing so is _worse_. He’s very, very glad she’s on their side.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Naruto is still mourning the jumpsuit, but he likes seeing Sasuke wear the jacket.  
> Sakura also broke the dining set. They found a similar table and chairs in another Uchiha house and used that to replace them.
> 
> Basically Inoichi was sick of hearing about 'Sasuke, Sasuke' from Ino and figured she deserved a little angst.  
> Sasuke has yet to make the connection between 'smiling at people you don't like' and 'face hurting'. He doesn't like any of his (former) fangirls because they all annoy him. Except Sakura, but she's family/clan now and has basically gotten over it anyways. Even if she still likes him one-sidedly, she's accepted it's unlikely to happen.
> 
> So, I was thinking. Remember how there's those other teams that get tested? We never really see their jounin teachers/testers. So my theory is that there's multiple classrooms, and we never see the other teams or teachers from them, because the teachers show up in the Hokage's office in groups. That would account for the sheer number of ninjas needed to keep Fire Country safe _(nine students a year passing would eventually result in a minuscule ninja force overall)_ as well as for why we never see them.
> 
> Meet Naoko Mitsui _(I stole the name from the voice actress who played Yoshino Nara)_ , OC and Yoshino Nara's mother. Yoshino had to get the ability to terrorize people from somewhere, right? Naoko gets along well with her son in law and is amused by his and her grandson's penchant for avoiding her. So Shikamaru now has a maternal grandmother, at least in this fic.  
> Incidentally, I was looking up the meaning of the name Yoshino and it's taken from an area that used to be called the Nara prefecture. (I think it was prefecture.) Oddly, the name Naoko also has associations with Nara.


	8. Waiting for Death

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kisame and Itachi wait for Itachi's death

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If death is triggery for you, just skip to chapter 10, save yourself some angst.

Kisame tips his head back and stares at the sky. Itachi is dying and no amount of killing will change it. He’s not sure how he’s supposed to feel about it. On the one hand, he values loyalty and the kid has the kind of loyalty legends are made of and the world is going to be a worse place for his loss. On the other, Itachi has nothing left to live for now that his village has betrayed him a final time and his little brother is gone. His young friend is bitter but at peace with dying here in this little resort town, even if Kisame isn’t at peace with losing him.

“Hey.”

He lowers his gaze and finds himself facing a beautiful woman wearing a Konoha headband, a nin-dog at her side. Fuck. He’d just stepped outside for some air and for the first time in years left his sword behind. What a fucking _stupid_ way to die.

“You smell like death. Is he still alive? If so, I’ve got a message for him.” Her tone is…startlingly not hostile.

He sneers. “Why? To make sure he passes on to the Shinigami’s belly a few days earlier? One last betrayal from the village he gave everything to?”

She cocks her head in uncanny tandem with her nin-dog. “No. It’s about his brother. The Hokage said there were things he wasn’t allowed time to explain.”

“Why? So you can rip his heart out feeding him excuses as to why the kid had to die? Fuck. Over my dead body. Itachi’s naïve enough to buy it, and he doesn’t deserve that after all he’s done for you Leaf cowards.”

The dog growls, “That can be arranged!”

The woman’s eyes flare, but she grits her teeth. _“Look_. No one ever said that his brother is _dead_. Just that Sasuke Uchiha is no more.”

Kisame stares at her. Finally he asks in a derisive tone, “You’re telling me he married out of the family?”

She looks startled, then exasperated. “Something like that.”

“I don’t want you near him.” His tone is flat.

“Fine!” And she slaps a scroll against his chest.

He catches her wrist in a brutal grip.

She just rolls her eyes at him. “There’s nothing in it to harm him. It’s just some pictures and documents.”

“The kid’s blind.” It’s true, but not entirely. The kid can still see if he uses his sharingan.

The woman flinches in shock. Then she shakes her head. “So read them to him. Call it thanks for what he did on his last visit. Many things we were unaware of were uncovered because of that. And burn the papers when you’re done with them, or Konoha _will_ collect the bounty on your head.”

Kisame doesn’t think she’s lying, but… “Got it. And if _you’re_ lying about what’s in this scroll, you’ll find out personally why I’m called the Tailless Beast.” He lets go of her wrist, noting in approval that she doesn’t look too bothered by the livid fingerprints already turning dark with bruising. Strong woman.

She doesn’t follow as he turns and goes back inside the hotel.

~

Tsume sighs as she senses the presence of Shibi beside her, then shakes her wrist vigorously, hissing at the pain.

“That was a stroke of luck.” Shibi says quietly.

“Fuck yeah. He’s got to be at least as strong as Gai. And I don’t think he’s as dependent on that freakish sword of his as people think.”

“Probably not. I doubt one can become one of the Seven Swordsmen of Kiri by being a one-trick pony.”

Tsume sputters a laugh. “Now I’m going to be stuck thinking of him as Pony-san! Why do you do these things to me?”

“Because I am hardly accountable for the strange twists your brain takes.” Shibi replies drily.

“And you’re too easy.” Kuromaru adds.

“Ugh.”

~

Itachi is dying and he doesn’t care. In fact, he’s rather looking forward to it. He’s been dying by inches for years anyways and now everything he loves in this life is irretrievably gone. He is a tool, a weapon, and the world will be better for his absence. It is a soothing thought. Soon he’ll see his family in the afterlife and apologize to Sasuke for being too weak to protect him after all.

Taking out the Akatsuki was merely a product of ineffectual rage at losing the last thing that mattered to him, and a last nod at the thing he has sacrificed everything to protect, the peace of Konoha. Eventually the delusional fools would have turned their sights on the hidden villages when their ‘perfect world of the moon’ plan proved unachievable. Without them around, fewer children like Sasuke will die. At least for a few years. None of them were any better than Itachi himself. All of them thought mass murders in the name of peace was acceptable. He still thinks that way, but at least he knows he’s broken. _They_ just enjoyed being broken.

He feels the air displacement as Kisame bursts in, hears the agitation in his footsteps. That’s the opposite of his normal reaction to getting some air.

“Kisame?”

“You know a pretty Inuzuka with a black nin dog with an eyepatch?”

Itachi blinks. “If the dog can speak, that’s probably Tsume Inuzuka, Clan head. Why?”

Kisame slaps something that feels like a storage scroll into his hand. “Gave me something for you from that old geezer and claimed your kid brother just married out of the family.”

“What?” That makes no sense at all. Sasuke is _dead_.

“Turn your eyes on, Itachi. She claims it’s pictures and documents. Something about the Hokage and the kid maybe not being dead.”

_What?!_

Itachi activates his sharingan and pushes himself up in bed, ignoring the dangerous strain it puts on his body. Being careful is only habit at this point and a measure of respect to Kisame’s feelings.

The scroll contains a small pile of pictures and a thicker pile of copies of ‘Restricted Access’ documents.

The pictures are mostly shots of three kids. A blond boy he recognizes as the jinchuuriki of the Kyuubi no Kitsune, a girl with ridiculous pink hair, and a kid who looks achingly like his little brother but is wearing ridiculous clothes and has his hair pulled back in a braid with a bright streak of orange painted through one side of his black hair. There’s several shots with just the two boys or with other people in the picture _(all ANBU, ex-ANBU, or high ranked members of clans)_ , and a couple with just the Sasuke look-alike. All of them are dated with timestamps within the last two months.

He stares at the pictures a long time because the happiness on the lookalike’s face is what he’s always, _always_ wished for Sasuke, even when he was trying to drive him to revenge, to make him a hero to Itachi’s villain. Finally, he picks up the documents and starts reading through. By the time he’s half-through the first one, he’s torn between throwing up at his own ineptitude and gratitude that the other clans at least respected his sacrifice enough to accord Sasuke’s fears a fair hearing. There’s a pang at reading he’s been cast out of his clan and declared an enemy, but it’s really no more than he deserves and there’s no declaration of intent from Sasuke to hunt him down. It’s…odd. He’d never realized that his little brother have a touch of the same pacifism that defines Itachi.

He is dizzy with the effort of sitting up so long by the time he finishes reading the documents. Kisame is watching him with an unusually patient silence. After several long moments thinking, he looks up at the blue man. “Have you heard anything on Tsunade the Sannin’s whereabouts lately?”

“Kid-” Kisame pauses. “Itachi, do you think she can heal you?”

“No. I need to ask her a favor.”

Kisame frowns. “I’ll start looking.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am a terrible person. The notion of Kiba having to deal with Kisame as a step father really amuses me. Not sure I'll go there, though. And Tsume does seem to be portrayed as extremely good looking when she doesn't have her 'gonna kill you' face on, although, y'know, anime/manga drawings can be interpreted various ways. But I'm not sure Tsume would truly appreciate someone who apparently enjoys killing as much as Kisame does.
> 
> The canon reasoning for Kisame going awol from Kiri was because he ended up killing his superior for selling secrets and being severely disillusioned that people lie, then being enticed into the Akatsuki over the idea of a 'world without lies' moon plan despite some skepticism on his part. Which kind of sets him up to look like a massively naive killing machine.  
> But given other things that go on in Kiri, such as the kekkai genkai cleansing, I feel like it's kind of shoddy backstory. The man's clan all have shark like features to varying degrees, it seems unlikely that they'd be left alone entirely despite it not being an actual kekkai genkai (apparently). And given that he was a guard for the Cypher division, that amount of sheer naivety seems unlikely. So I'm going with loyalty meaning a lot to him, and the kekkai genkai cleansing making him leery enough to choose to accept the Akatsuki's offer even though he doesn't trust them, then making friends with Itachi because he admires the kid. And making him kind of a 'death before dishonor' type if he actually thinks someone or something deserves his loyalty, since that fits with his canon choice of suicide by shark summons when he lost.


	9. Emotional Blackmail

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Itachi proceeds to blackmail Tsunade into facing some harsh realities.

Tsunade blinks as two S rank missing nin, one damned near carrying the other, come into the restaurant she’s currently drinking in and get within two yards before the bigger one quits supporting the other and backs off with a wary glance targeted at her. The smaller, younger missing nin is from Konoha, an Uchiha, and on death’s door if the faint waver to his steps, his complexion, and the way he practically falls into a seat across from her are any indication. Which they are. His sharingan is active, which means he’s still dangerous, but the fact that he’s using it at all probably means he’s blind without it. A tragedy for someone his age. But tragedy lies thick around this one.

“I have come to ask a favor.”

She takes a long swig, eyeing him with one raised brow. “Can’t help you kid. Even I can’t save someone who’s been cheating the Shinigami as long as you. If you’ve got a week left, I’ll be surprised. And that’s _with_ healing.”

Itachi gives a raspy cough, then licks away the blood it brings to his lips. “I know that. That’s not why I’m here.” He sets a tiny stack of pictures on the table and pushes it towards her. “That is the Uzumaki clan. The blond is your godson.”

Okay, that’s interesting. She picks them up and flips through them. All four pictures are of three kids. The brats look happy. The blond must be Naruto. He looks far too much like Minato and Kushina to be someone else. But the other two don’t look related at all. In fact… “Isn’t the brunette an Uchiha?”

Itachi gives a half smile that looks pained. “No. The Uchiha are no more. However, he is my little brother.”

Tsunade gives him a curious look. “I’m surprised the Council allowed that.”

“Well, as to that, if you would read these, please.” He pushes a rather thick stack of documents across the table and she raises both brows at the fact that they’re in his hands in the first place before picking up the first and beginning to read.

An hour later, she’s torn between rage and grudging pity for the dying child in front of her. “What do you want from me?”

Itachi visibly struggles to focus on her again before pulling himself together. His little jaunt to speak to her today has probably shortened his life by hours or days. “Two things.”

“Go on.” She’s not going to like this.

“Protect them.”

Yup. She definitely doesn’t like it. She narrows her eyes at him. “I swore never to go back to Konoha.”

“Senju, you owe the Uchiha this much. Your absence is what allowed this to happen. I have no intention of trying to play on your pity. I made my own decisions, as did you. But you are the last of the Senju ninjas, and if you let them die you will be responsible for the death of not one, but three clans.” He smiles, a sharp, bitter thing. “I’m sure our ancestors will understand, of course, Hime, just why you set aside duty to let the clans of your allies die along with yours.”

She sucks in a sharp breath. It is a low blow, dirty and shameless. Brutal. “You-!”

“Did you know, Senju? Kisame and I took down the Sandaime in less than three minutes. He is alive, yes, but I believe you understand my point. How long before the other hidden villages figure out why the last chuunin exams were canceled? How long before one old man can no longer protect our ancestors’ dream? You think you have nothing left to lose, Senju, but is that true?” Itachi pauses to cough, a ragged, tearing sound and casually wipes away blood with a shaking hand. She owes him nothing, but she’s not so cruel as to refuse to hear out a dying child, even if it means hearing harsh words that bring up her past. “Perhaps it is. After all, you’ve been running for years. How can you value what you were entrusted with when you’ve been so careful to never see it? It has been years, of course, but I do remember how the villagers call him a demon and a monster to his face, even though it’s against the law to speak about the Kyuubi to the children. The confusion on his face. Well, I’m sure he deserves it, ne?”

“No child deserves-!”

 “And it’s not like he knows who his parents are, or his godparents, for that matter, so I’m sure it doesn’t bother him at all by now.” Itachi shrugs, ignoring the outrage on her face. “Not that it will matter if it does in a few years at most. You saw the mission report. There’s no way that team won’t be on the front lines when Konoha falls. Well, I won’t insist. It’s not as if I have anything to bargain with.”

“You-!” she sputters, because he knows exactly what he’s blackmailing her with and his death won’t change any of it.

“So, if you will not, which is entirely up to you, of course, I ask that you at least take my eyes and a message to my brother. I do not wish to pass knowing he thinks I hate him, knowing that no one will tell him the truth because it benefits them. I have caused him enough grief. He deserves that much truth for as long as he survives.”

 _Uchihas and their bloody eyes!_ “He won’t want them.” She says. No one would _(okay, she knows the lie of that)_ , but what lies between the two brothers will make a gift from the dead particularly unwelcome.

“I know. But if he ever awakens the Mangekyo, he will need them. And you know as well as I do, Hime, what war does to people. You can at least honor my last wish. I insist.”

“You have a funny way of asking for a favor.”

He closes his eyes tiredly and sighs. “The favor I am asking is that you do not force me to die forcing you to comply. We both know I can and that it will kill me. I would not like to lay my blood on your hands, Senju.”

“I hate you.”

Itachi opens his eyes and smirks faintly. “Yes. Be brave, Hime. If you cannot handle the surgery, you can have your apprentice do it. I’m sure she’s capable with you as a teacher. My time is up anyways.”

“And I suppose I’ll have to deal with a pissed off Hoshigaki if I fail to comply?” she asks drily. The blue skinned man’s protective behavior has not gone unremarked even for the brief amount of time she saw him.

“Oh, no.” Itachi smiles, sweet and sly, and it’s Mikoto’s smile, entirely untrustworthy. The one she used when she had someone exactly where she wanted them. Tsunade’s never had the misfortune of being the target of it before. “Just your own conscience, Hime. It would hardly be fair of me to allow someone as loyal as him to go up against one of the Sannin for my own bit of selfishness, now would it?”

_“You fucking brat!”_

He wavers in his chair, but his eyes light with amusement. “Decide quickly, Senju. I judge I have half a day left at most.”

Then he puts his head down on the table and goes to sleep, as if she’s no threat at all to him.

“Fucking brat.” She mutters again under her breath, then reluctantly reaches out and ruffles his hair. Mikoto’s eldest. It’s the first time she’s seen him. Mikoto was pregnant when she left. His short life makes her tragedies seem like sunshine and rainbows, and it’s humbling. To the last, he’s not asking for himself, but for his brother. She can read between the lines. She knows that he’s been in her place, worse even, believing he has lost his last precious person. There’s no other reason he’d kill Danzo and suicidally face down the Hokage. And by his current condition, he went and did something equally as foolish after that. They’re a lot alike, but he entirely lacks her sense of self-preservation, her own selfishness. There is no doubt that she hates him for it. And an equal lack of doubt that she’ll do exactly as he wants her to. Because he’s right. The other hidden villages will sense weakness and go after it without mercy.

Tsunade had forgotten, somehow, that she’s no longer young and what that means for her old sensei. As powerful as he is, he’s an old man now, getting frail with age. It won’t be long before others see it and then Konoha will be at war. Because if there was anyone else capable, Itachi wouldn’t be coming to _her_. The Uchiha have always been proud bastards.

She’s not an idiot. She knows Jiraiya could do it. He has the intelligence, the reputation, the power. But they both know he’s not cut out for it, too squeamish to be a truly good leader. “Oi, shark brat. Get your face over here and carry him. I’m not doing a surgery in public.”

It’s no surprise at all when Hoshigaki appears a moment later to scoop Itachi out of his chair, despite her conversational tone. Itachi is naïve if he truly believes telling the blue skinned man to not seek revenge on his behalf would not be pointless. Men like him have truly little to tie them to self-preservation and believe strongly in an eye for an eye.

~

Somehow, Tsunade is less than surprised when the shark brat falls into step with her and Shizune two mornings later as they head back to Konoha. He’s an odd one. Apparently his notion of honoring his dead runs to feeding their bodies to his shark summons. Despite forcing herself past her fear of blood to carry out the eye surgery, she had not been able to watch the gruesome sight. But she has to admit, it is an efficient method of preventing grave robbing by some greedy fool desperate to steal a bloodline limit by any method.

“What are you up to, brat?”

“Don’t have anything better to do. I hear Konoha could use a few more strong nin right now. They’d probably be willing to overlook Kiri’s claim to my head, don’t you think?”

She laughs a little, glad of the company, though she won’t admit it. “They’ll make you reestablish your clan, you realize?”

Kisame lifts one broad shoulder. “Maa, Konoha has some strong women. There’s worse things.”

There are indeed, but thank Kami that the Senju clan still has a lot of civilians in Konoha so they can’t require _her_ to do the same. Greedy bastards. She’s too old for it now anyways. Despite her Uzumaki genes she doesn’t have the chakra or longevity of one. It’ll be _Naruto_ who gets the fun and joy of outliving everyone he grew up with by a few decades. She’s had enough of that torture.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ~~Notes to be added later. All the damned angst was hard to write.~~
> 
> I'm going with this version of Itachi having something like last stage tuberculosis and the effort put into taking down the Akatsuki, even with Kisame's help, accelerating the damage well past medical intervention being able to save him, with the injuries he sustained in the last fight only making it harder for his body to fight it. In canon, if I'm recalling right, Kisame comments that Itachi should have died years earlier and had only hung on for the sake of letting Sasuke kill him. And this version of Itachi went several months convinced that Sasuke was dead, so only sheer rage was supporting his will to live there for a bit and afterwards he really had nothing to want to live for. And people who don't want to live often die rather quickly in such cases. Willpower can count for a lot in surviving diseases or injuries, probably something to do with mood trigger various hormones that suppress or support the immune system.
> 
> I don't think Tsunade is triggered by small amounts of blood, such as one might see in a fist fight. Her trauma is linked to her fiance literally bleeding to death.  
> Itachi is theoretically pretty much the same rank as Tsunade despite technically being outcast and having his clan dissolved at this point, so he's speaking to her as an equal and not necessarily being very polite about it. Of course, he is out to blackmail her into going back to Konoha and taking the damned hat and it's not like pretty words would move her, nor does he have the time to waste trying.  
> The Senju were a powerful clan, so I find it highly unlikely that all their members would be ninjas because strong clans know the value of diversifying enough to be able to supply their own food and clothes, even if their primary source of income is mercenary type work such as the ninja villages took on. It's simple economy. The less basics you import, the less it costs you to survive. The Uchiha and Hyuuga had/have plenty of civilians, there's no reason the Senju wouldn't. It would explain why there was no pressure put on her to reproduce and continue the clan despite her personal tragedies. She didn't have her grandfather's kekkai genkai, so that was already lost to the clan and it's doubtful that there's any laws against a clan choosing to go civilian. Her being called 'Hime' probably indicates that her clan is nobility as well, and whichever cousin who inherits could just go to civilian politics instead. (Okay, I'm reaching here. haha 3am logic.) Anyways, going with there being Senju civilians in this one. There's a reason for it.


	10. Unexpected Visitors

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is what happens when you put a headache and a muse in the same room for three days.  
> Sakura's pov. Shared Tsunade/Kisame pov. Kisame pov.  
> Overlapping conversations.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Have a long chapter. I'm too lazy to break it up for consistency. Should be mostly summarizing and vignettes after this.
> 
> If you skipped over the last couple chapters, basically Itachi learns belatedly that Sasuke is alive and well, living as an Uzumaki, along with various other things, and despite his rapidly failing health seeks out Tsunade and blackmails her into going back to Konoha and taking the Hokage hat. And sends along a few things for Sasuke, most notably a message and his eyes. _(Itachi, has anyone ever told you that you're extremely morbid?)_

Sakura thinks that everything’s going to be okay and nobody is seriously going to question their story right up until a few days later Ino comes over, takes a long look at Sasuke and Naruto lazing around and asks, “So, he’s really Sasuke Uchiha, right?”

She freezes, but Inner elbows her aside _(which, really? When had she learned to do that?)_ and says sweetly, “No, of course not.”

“No.” Sasuke says flatly.

“He was.” Naruto admits, then flinches under their glares. “What? She’s Sakura’s best friend and it’s not like she’s stupid. Besides, Shikamaru already figured it out and he has no reason not to tell her.”

Sasuke facepalms and sighs in exasperation but doesn’t chide him.

Ino frowns. “Why bring up Shikamaru?”

Both Sakura and Sasuke are a little baffled at the question, because _it’s Naruto_ and that’s really all one needs to know. His brain works differently, so he’s probably just bringing it up because Shikamaru figured it out too.

Naruto just points at the front door.

It’s Ino who’s curious enough to get up and go look, but Sakura follows. There’s no one at the front door, but when Ino opens the door and they peer out, Shikamaru and Choji are at the compound’s gate.

“Hey! Shikamaru, Choji, are you coming in or just dithering out there all day?!” Ino shouts.

They come in, Shikamaru mumbling something about _troublesome_ , Chouji munching on chips like nothing bothers him.

Ino glares down at Naruto and demands, “How did you know they were out there?”

Naruto shrugs.

“I’d kind of like to know that myself.” Shikamaru adds, which is _weird_ because Shikamaru’s interest in life is generally confined to cloud watching.

Naruto eyes him without answering until Sasuke rolls over and elbows him, making him yelp.

“Whatever it is isn’t going to make us hate you, dobe, so cough it up.”

“Sakura, Sasuke’s being mean to me!” Naruto whines.

She rolls her eyes without sympathy. _“I’m_ going to be mean to you if you don’t start talking.”

He flinches. “Well, uh, I can just feel people, y’know? When I want to. That’s how I get away from the ANBU when I’ve played a big prank. Like…everyone has a different chakra signature, I guess? Shikamaru feels like a Nara but he also feels like him, so y’know? But I’m not very good at it. I can only tell who is who if I’ve met them a bunch of times. It’s nothing special or anything, though. Everyone can do it, right? I bet you’re really good at it, Sakura!”

Everyone stares at him in silence.

Finally, Choji says, “Not everyone can do that. It’s a pretty rare talent.”

“I can’t do it at all.” Sakura admits. Galling, but true.

“So, dobe, I want to know. How come you didn’t use that ability while we were out on our mission?”

Because apparently they’ve given up any pretense that their friends _haven’t_ figured out everything.

Naruto blinks and then perks up. “Oh, huh. I _could_ use it like that, couldn’t I?”

“Troublesome.” Shikamaru mutters. “So, I wanted to ask why you’re lying to everyone and why my dad’s in on it. And does it have anything to do with Councilor Shimura’s death?”

Naruto, who has opened his mouth to answer, closes it at the last question and looks to Sakura. She looks at Sasuke, who just looks back, and realizes that they’re going to make her answer.

“We don’t know anything about Councilor Shimura other than he died while we were gone. But Sasuke’s brother promised to come back and kill him, so Naruto adopted us into the Uzumaki clan and the Clan heads and the Hokage helped us set up rumors that Sasuke not being an Uchiha anymore means he’s dead, so his brother wouldn’t come back.”

“Oh, so that’s why. Of course we’ll help.” Ino declares, then frowns. “Wait. ‘We’? Does that mean you’re an Uzumaki too? And since when is Uzumaki a clan? I thought Naruto was just an orphan.”

Sasuke shoots Ino a look Sakura’s very glad isn’t aimed at her. “The Uzumaki clan is from Uzushiogakure and have been allies since Konoha was founded. Where did you think the spiral symbol on the chunin and jounin uniforms comes from?”

Ino looks like she’s torn between cooing because it’s Sasuke and calling him a liar.

“Other nations didn’t like the alliance and attacked them, so my mother was the last Uzumaki.” Naruto puts in quietly before she can decide.

“The Harunos aren’t a clan, so I couldn’t protect him like Naruto can, but where Sasuke goes, I go.” She adds. It’s still true. She still loves Sasuke, even if she’s come to terms with the fact that he’s never going to like her back. It still hurts. But at least she has the comfort of knowing that as long as she keeps her feelings to herself, he’ll treat her like a friend and actually talk to her. Even better, Naruto has given up trying to flirt with her since he adopted her, which is _lovely_ because he’s _terrible_ at it. She can live with both her boys treating her like a sister if it means not facing Sasuke’s disdain and Naruto’s dreadful attempts at romance.

“Hey, that’s not fair! Adopt me too!”

It does Sakura’s heart good when Naruto gives Ino a look like she’s crazy. “No.”

“Why not? You adopted Sakura!”

“You’re a Clan heir.”

“You adopted Sasuke! He was a Clan head!”

“And he _dissolved the clan,_ Ino. I don’t think your clan is going to go for that, y’know?”

Ino squawks in outrage.

“Give it up, Ino.” Shikamaru intervenes in a tired voice. “He probably owes all the Clan heads favors for letting him adopt Sasuke. Even if he did adopt you, your dad would just call in his favor and get you back.”

Ino pouts and Sakura decides to rub salt in the wound. _Somebody_ ought to share her pain, after all. “Besides, Sasuke doesn’t like girls. He only likes Naruto.”

Sasuke gives her a flat stare that promises revenge, then agrees, “That’s right.”

Ino’s expression is all that Sakura could have hoped for, Naruto looks baffled but happy, Choji just keeps eating chips after a brief hesitation, and Shikamaru looks like he’s trying not to laugh for a split second before his expression lapses back into egregious boredom. She takes note that he’s less socially oblivious than he pretends and to discuss it with her clan-mates later. Also, she wishes she had a camera to capture Ino’s face right now because she’s going to remember it _forever_ and have some splendid giggles out of it.

Life is good.

~

A little over a week after Itachi’s death, Tsunade and Kisame are on the doorstep of the former Uchiha clan head’s house. A blond kid with whisker marks answers the door and eyes them curiously.

“Is that a henge?” he asks Kisame.

“Nah. I’m a Hoshigaki. We all have some shark features; I just got more than most.”

“Huh. Cool.” The kid’s eyes move to Tsunade. “Who are you?”

Tsunade frowns at him. “Tsunade Senju and your godmother.”

He blinks at her, then slams the door in their faces. Before they can take too much offense though, they hear him yelling, “Hey, teme, Sakura! There’s a couple of weirdos on the porch! There’s a blue guy who’s not wearing a henge and some old lady claiming that her name is Tsunade Senju and she’s my godmother.”

The house is older style and it’s not hard to hear raised voices clearly from outside, standing this close. There’s a muffled reply, and then the sound of running footsteps and a girl’s voice demanding, “Stop making things up, idiot! How could one of the Sannin be your godparent?”

“I dunno. Sakura, don’t-” A delicate fist punches through the door. “-break the door!”

“Then don’t dodge!” The top of the door crumbles tidily, revealing a pink haired girl glaring down at the blond kid, who apparently dodged by way of ducking, given the way he’s cowering on the floor.

“No way! I like living!”

“I haven’t killed you yet. Besides, it needed replacing anyways. We can just get Tenzo to grow us a new one.”

“Sakura, contrary to your opinion, Kakashi sensei’s friends aren’t just there for our convenience. And please keep your notions of redecorating to your _own_ house.” A kid with black and neon orange hair says from the next room, sounding vaguely annoyed.

Tsunade clears her throat, tired of being ignored. “As it happens, the Sannin are the brat’s godparents. And if I may ask, did you say there is someone who can _grow a door_?”

The pinkette’s head whips around and her green eyes widen. “Lady Tsunade? Wait. _All_ of the Sannin?”

Tsunade frowns at her. This is a weird child, even if her chakra control is _impressive_ for her age and she has a technique that closely resembles her own. It’s really odd that the child even recognizes her, given that she hasn’t been in the village in her lifetime. “Well, Jiraiya and I are, at least. I’m not sure Minato and Kushina really interacted with Orochimaru before he left. Who taught you that technique? And you were saying about someone who can grow doors?”

“Uh. Yeah, Kakashi sensei’s friend, Tenzo. He’s weird but nice. He can grow plants and stuff too. And, um. No one taught me. I kind of learned it on accident when trying to hit Naruto. I mean, I put a hole in the wall and he asked me if I could take down the whole wall that way, so…”

“She did too! Sakura’s awesome, believe it!” the blond says cheerfully, scrambling out of the girl’s reach. “She can do it on dirt, too! Kakashi sensei said she should try it. She dug up the whole garden for us that way. It’s a really good garden, believe it!”

Kisame has been staring at the pink haired girl and now blurts, “Marry me!”

Sakura blinks and looks him up and down before replying without hesitation, “Um, no. Thanks anyways. You’re like twice my age and I’ve never seen you before in my life. I’m only twelve, you know. Find someone your own age.”

Okay, she has a point. But coming to Konoha was obviously the right decision if even the little girls are this strong. There’s no such thing as a Hoshigaki man without a kink for fearless women.

“More importantly, what does one of the Sannin and a blue guy want with the Uzumaki clan?” the dark haired kid asks, having walked up without anyone noticing.

~

Half an hour of explanations later, the dark haired kid is halfway curled up in his Clan head’s arms, face buried against the shorter blond’s throat, the pink haired girl hovering with a protective hand on his back. Not crying, but probably as close to it as someone born an Uchiha can get. Kisame would look away because it’s so _soft_ and he really doesn’t understand why someone like Itachi, even pacifist that he was, would give such loyalty to a brat this soft who had him _outcast_ , but the look in the blond’s eyes is a bit riveting. It’s not Itachi’s look of deceptively soft determination over a brilliant mind, it’s a closed down look over rage, but the hidden fierceness reminds him keenly of Itachi.

This boy, this _man_ despite his age, will go to lengths to protect what he cares for that normal people won’t comprehend, won’t understand even if they see it. Kisame can see it in his eyes, the type of loyalty that draws him like a siren’s song. And it’s for this same soft, dark-haired boy _(Sasuke)_ who had meant so much to Itachi, so maybe there’s more to the kid than Kisame can see.

“About your brother’s eyes-”

“I don’t need them.” Sasuke interrupts, not lifting his head. “I don’t even have the sharingan, and if I don’t have it by now, it’s unlikely that I ever will, much less the Mangekyo. So I don’t need them.”

“Maa, that’s not necessarily true, Sasuke. I knew an Uchiha who was a couple years older than you before he activated his.” A voice drawls lazily from behind Kisame. Everyone except the blond twitches, and Kisame reaches for Samehada on reflex, but a gloved hand lands on his wrist, preventing him from finishing the motion.

“Kakashi sensei!” Sakura turns with a look of relief in her eyes.

Obviously the man behind him is someone she trusts, a teacher, and _why does that name sound familiar?_ He turns his head and spots silver hair sticking up at ridiculous angles, and a Konoha headband tilted down over one eye. _Oh, fuck._ He’d relish a fight with the Copy-nin, but not when the man has snuck up on him and has him at a disadvantage. He forces himself to relax and is rewarded by having his wrist released.

Tsunade turns her head and glares at Kakashi. “Brat, go fetch your friend Tenzo. Now.”

“Maa, maa, why would I do that?”

Her glare intensifies. “Because I am the Clan head of the Senju and someone with the Mokuton is my business. Go. Fetch.”

“Maa, no need to be rude.” Kakashi replies, but shunshins away before she can retort.

“Baa-san, that wasn’t very nice.” The blond chides.

 _And really?_ Kisame is carefully _not thinking_ about the kid’s name right now, because if he does, he’s going to start laughing and not stop. What kind of weirdo names their kid after a ramen topping? Right. Not thinking about it.

“Shut it, brat.”

This is, at last, what finally stirs Sasuke. He turns with a look in his eyes as cold and pitiless as an unnamed sword. And the part of Kisame that _loves, loves, loves_ to fight shark-grins and says, _‘Now here is a worthy opponent’_. It doesn’t escape his notice that the blond’s and Sakura’s hands have switched from _comforting_ to _restraining._ Maybe loyalty hasn’t skipped over the younger brother after all.

“Don’t talk to my Clan head like that.”

Tsunade narrows her eyes. “Gonna make me, brat?”

“If I have to.”

“Wait. Waaaait. Sakura already breaks enough things around here. If you’re gonna fight, take it to one of the training grounds!” the blond kid intervenes, then shakes Sasuke a little when there’s no response.

“Yes, Clan head.” Sasuke replies politely, not moving his glare from Tsunade’s face.

“Wow. You know you’re being childish when _Naruto_ has to tell you to break it up.” Sakura comments acidly.

Kisame can’t help it. It’s bad enough that one of the Sannin is having a glaring contest with a scrawny little kid, but the _name_ is the last straw. He starts laughing. He’s still laughing, despite affronted glares from both parties, when Kakashi Hatake returns with a goofy looking man in a happuri-style headband in tow.

The guy in the happuri gives him a long, wary glance, then asks lightly, “Should I ask what provoked the Tailless Beast to laughter?”

“I take that as a complement, you know.” Kisame tells him, still amused.

The blond kid lights up with interest. “You’re a jinchuuriki like me?”

“He’s laughing at us.” Tsunade tells the happuri guy sourly. “What’s your name and clan, brat?”

“Nah, kid. I’m just that dangerous. But you should be glad Itachi thought his little brother was dead, because the organization we took down in his fit of temper was planning to sacrifice the people like you to the moon for some crazy plan to make a perfect world.”

The blue eyes widen in shock for a moment, and Kisame doesn’t miss the sharp glance Kakashi throws his way.

“Well, _I’m_ glad.” The dark haired brat says with a finality that keeps the blond from asking more questions.

Meanwhile, the happuri guy’s face goes blank in reaction to Tsunade’s question and he hesitates before answering, looking to Kakashi. “Senpai?”

“You can answer her.”

“I don’t have a clan anymore. Orochimaru killed all of them. Since I don’t have the clan kekkai genkai anymore, I don’t use the clan name.”

Tsunade looks like she’s been slapped. Or maybe kicked in the gut.

“And, uh, I go by Tenzo. Senpai gave me the name after I got free from Danzo.” Well, that’s easier than ‘happuri guy’ at least.

Tsunade _hmmphs_. “Tenzo Senju it is, then.”

“Excuse me? What?”

“The Mokuton belongs to the Senju. You have the Mokuton, therefore you’re a Senju. Do I need to repeat myself in smaller words, brat?” Apparently being told that her old teammate is responsible for the death of an entire clan makes Tsunade meaner than usual. Kisame feels a bit sorry for Tenzo, but only because it’s obvious that he’s baffled at the source of the venom.

“Uh? No?”

Kakashi eye smiles, _which is damned weird to see_ , and pats Tenzo on the shoulder, tone cheerful as he says, “Maa, Tenzo, you should be happy. Lady Tsunade just adopted you as her son!”

This draws incoherent sputters of helpless indignation from both parties.

Sakura clasps her hands together with a starry eyed look which Kisame is about 30% sure is aiding and abetting her sensei instead of genuine. “Lady Tsunade, you have a son! That’s so sweet!”

The blond kid looks at Tenzo and asks curiously, “Does that make you my cousin?”

Coming to Konoha was definitely the right decision. Forget dying a happy man, Kisame’s going to die _of laughter._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, Naruto's too oblivious to pick up that they're talking about sexual preferences there.  
> Ino and Co. cheerfully help spread confusion, even after the news that Itachi is dead reaches them. Shikamaru's not socially oblivious, he's socially indifferent unless motivated.  
> Naruto, Sasuke and Sakura will probably end up inquiring about Danzo after Shikamaru's question.  
> Naruto means the Nara clan all have a 'shadowy/lazy' feel to them. He can feel people's chakra because he's a sensor type. Incidentally, so is Ino, but she's never really used it before.  
> It takes Sakura a while to catch on to Sasuke's revenge, which is leaving tomatoes out of her portion of food consistently. It takes even longer before it bothers her enough to apologize.
> 
> Poor door. All it did was not dodge.  
> Kisame has a few attraction issues that occasionally make him seem a little mental about it. He's not actually attracted to kids, though.  
> Tsunade's definitely going to take Sakura as a student once she learns Sakura has a tentative interest in medical ninjutsu and when she's a little less preoccupied with more immediate things like breaking bad news to an orphaned kid.
> 
> Kakashi is being a troll, but partly because he's protective of Tenzo, who holds him in high regard. Sakura is indeed aiding and abetting. Tsunade's a sucker with a weakness for brats. Tenzo is definitely doomed to Tsunade style mother-henning. And Naruto style affection, for that matter.  
> Unnamed sword: Samehada is sentient and feeds Kisame chakra. The other six Kiri swords have their own versions of semi-sentience. Thus Kisame's terminology.


	11. Snippets

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Various things that happen.

**In the afterlife:**

“I can’t believe a son of mine is fawning over the Kyuubi jinchuuriki like that.” Fugaku shakes his head disparagingly. “It’s obvious he got the worst of both his parents. Minato’s ditzy obliviousness and Kushina’s stupidity.”

“You should be content that he’s happy, father.” Itachi chides.

“And you! I can’t believe you ran off and became a criminal.” Fugaku huffs in indignation.

“At least I never plotted against my own village.” Itachi replies placidly.

Fugaku decides to ignore this in favor of squinting down at Sasuke.  “Seriously. I can’t believe a son of mine would dye his hair that atrocious color. Isn’t wearing it in bad enough taste?”

Mikoto smiles sweetly. “Well, if it helps, he’s not actually our biological son. _That one_ died at birth and was reincarnated just last year.”

Fugaku freezes and turns to stare at her wide eyed.

Itachi slides her a thoughtful glance, then shrugs. “He’s still my little brother. And he’s _happy_. That’s all I care about.”

After a very long moment of staring at Mikoto’s unwavering treacle smile, Fugaku winces around the eyes just slightly and goes back to staring down at Sasuke judgmentally. “Wait. Is _my son_ teaching that stupid brat one of the signature Uchiha jutsus!?”

“Naruto _is_ his Clan head, father.”

“Did I just hear you call my son stupid?”

Fugaku yelps as Minato looms up behind him.

“He called Kushina stupid, too.” Mikoto offers helpfully. _Or unhelpfully, if you ask Fugaku._

“I _knew_ he couldn’t go a full week without making a nasty comment! You lose the bet, Fu-tan. You owe me ramen, ‘ttebane!”

No one spares him even a sympathetic glance as Kushina drags him off by the ear to the afterlife’s best ramen stand.

“So…” Minato says after the squabbling pair are out of earshot.

“I raised him, he’s mine.” Mikoto says firmly.

“Of course.” Minato agrees mildly. Not that he’d cross her by saying otherwise if he disagreed. Mikoto has become a _lot_ less tolerant of nonsense in the afterlife. After she kicked the shit out of about half the bigoted members of the clan, even the Uchiha started wising up. Apparently they’d forgotten she was a jonin before she married Fugaku and retired to have kids. Foolish of them. But as it happens, he does agree. Family is what you make of it, _who_ you choose to make it with. He should know, after all.

~

Meanwhile, Karin is losing some of her starry eyed allegiance to Orochimaru for taking her in.

It’s not that she’s being treated badly, per se. She’s been passed off as a companion to a minor lord’s son to keep the older man happy with whatever bargain he has with Orochimaru-sama. The son is around her age, not ugly, and fairly kind for a given value of kind. But she’s getting really, _really_ tired of being pampered and treated like a dress-up doll. _She’s a kunoichi, thank you very much._ It doesn’t help that he claims to admire her intelligence but is _scandalized_ by the notion of a woman doing anything more intellectual than pouring tea or reading poems. _She’s a scientist!_ And she now has over twelve volumes of florid poetry stuck forever in her memory. _She’s beginning to despise poetry with the disdain most women save for importunate drunks._ On really bad days she leaves a clone behind, henges into someone inconspicuous and hides in the nearest bookseller’s shop for a few hours. No one ever has the grace to look even the slightest bit suspicious that her clone isn’t her. Occasionally someone will refer to it as ‘one of her quiet days’. _They have no idea._ Honestly, there has to be many better uses for her skills than _this._

~

**In the afterlife:**

Obito is surprised to wake up. He’s more surprised when he opens his eyes and sees Rin sitting by the campfire, staring at him with an unhappy expression.

“Rin!” He sits up and looks around, but he doesn’t recognize the place. The woods are dark and faintly damp, the trees scrawny and twisted compared to the forests around Konoha that he grew up in. It reminds him of a few places in Lightning and Mist, but smells wrong for either. “Um. Am I dead?”

“Yes." Rin's eyes narrow. "I have a bone to pick with you, Obito. Turning the Kyuubi on Konoha? Really!? And then your own clan? What do you have to say for yourself?”

He eeps, because he doesn’t think he’s ever heard her use a tone quite this angry before. “Um. I had a plan?”

“A plan conceived by a bitter old madman to bring himself back to life. You both would have failed, by the way, since it was all a part of Black Zetsu’s plan to bring back Kaguya.”

“Kaguya?” _Who is Kaguya?_

“You know, the mother of the Sage of Six Paths? The one who hates all humanity and is strong enough to wipe them all out?”

“Um.” _He's never heard of her before, but that sounds...okay, bad._

“So what do you have to say for yourself?”

“Er…Ithoughtitwouldwork and IsawKakashikillyou and I just wantedtofixit!” He blurts, hoping it will appease her.

Rin stares at him. And stares. Only the crackling of the fire and the smell of woodsmoke accompany the silence. Finally, she says in an amazed _(but distinctly unimpressed)_ tone, “Wow. Kakashi was more right than I thought. _You’re an idiot!_ ”

“I am _not_ an idiot! And why are you taking his side still? He killed you!” _Why does everyone always take Kakashi's side? Kakashi's a liar, a failure, a murderer._

“No, he didn’t.”

“Yes, he did!”

“No, he didn’t.”

“Yes, he did! I saw him do it!” _Even being crushed beneath a boulder and knowing he was going to die hadn't been as horrible as seeing Kakashi put his hand through Rin's heart. The one he'd trusted to protect the girl he loved, coldbloodedly slaughtering her. The first time he'd known the sharingan was a curse, because he can never, never, never forget that scene. Even time hasn't faded it._

Rin facepalms. “Well, that explains a lot. But, _no, he didn’t._ What you saw was me breaking his heart by using him to commit suicide.”

_“Suicide!?”_

“I had the Three-Tails sealed inside me with a faulty seal when I was captured. Kakashi had already refused to kill me, because he already blamed himself for your death. But I knew the seal was faulty and I wasn’t about to turn the Three-Tails loose on Konoha and be responsible for a lot of people dying who didn’t deserve it. And the flaw in Kakashi’s chidori is that it’s too fast for him to stop once he initiates the last motion for it. Anyone else could have pulled their blow _and would’ve_ because they wanted me alive to go back to Konoha.”

Obito opens his mouth and closes it a few times before settling on, “Oh.”

Rin shoots him a glare, but is too kind to point out how very stupid that makes his consequent actions, letting him stew in silent remorse. She bites her lip and stares into the fire, face melancholy. But after a few minutes she smiles in a way that makes the hair on the back of his neck stand up.

“By the way, there’s a couple women looking for you.”

The old him would have perked up at that, because Kakashi was always the one the girls looked at, or his snotty cousins, but that smile promises nothing good. “Women?”

“Mmn, yes. Kushina-san and Mikoto-sama want to have words with you.”

Obito pales and shivers despite the heat from the campfire. _“Oh, fuck.”_

Rin’s smile widens.

~

Team Kakashi takes the next chuunin exams and passes easily. No one is looking for an Uchiha, so everyone just sees a mismatched collection of genin brats who claim the name Uzumaki for some reason. It’s obvious that the kids aren’t related by blood, and there’s a mix of rumors going around. One is that they just read the name in a history book and thought it was _cool_ and are calling themselves that to make theirselves feel _cool_. Another is that the pink haired girl is from an Uzumaki offshoot branch and the two boys are competing for her attention so much that they’ve actually taken her last name to try to flatter her into choosing one of them. The rumors get wilder and less believable from there. They may or may not have help along the way from various Konoha-ites who happen to travel with the exam candidates to Kumo.

Despite a stir of interest, though, no one really cares. They’re a bit young for it, but certainly not the only competent genin to pass. Of more interest is that Konoha has a new Hokage, Tsunade Senju, the legendary slug sannin. No one is quite sure where the rumor that Hiruzen Sarutobi had a heart attack over the death of the last Uchiha comes from, but they all agree that Tsunade must have done an excellent job fixing him up since he’s retired to the Council instead of just retiring outright. Hiruzen takes a hefty puff on his pipe and Tsunade opens a bottle of sake over Shizune’s protests when they hear the rumors. It’s not exactly a _flattering_ rumor for Konoha, but it’s a _lot_ better than the truth.

Jiraiya shows up a few months after that _(the disappearance of the Akatsuki has caused a lot of shifts that he’s been busy tracking, along with trying to find Orochimaru)_ and gets permission to take Naruto on a training trip. Sasuke promptly hires Kisame Hoshigaki as his Clan leader’s bodyguard. Jiraiya rethinks it, and stays in the village to train Naruto in the use of the Rasengan and is pleasantly shocked when the kid picks it up fast enough that he is able to leave before Tsunade throws him through any buildings in frustration.

Though she does manage to hit him with her desk a couple times, more or less on accident when frustrated at other things. She’s thrown it out the window so many times that he’s been called on to place permanent self-repair seals on the desk and window, as well as a reverse-summoning seal on the desk so the poor chuunin don’t have to keep carrying the thing back upstairs.

If anyone asks, he absolutely did _not_ drag an unsuspecting Kakashi into helping him figure out how to design the seals and spend a few weeks muttering and cursing together over it while Naruto was busy learning the Rasengan. It’s certainly not _his_ fault that Kakashi spends the rest of the time Jiraiya is in the village blatantly avoiding him.

Though it is a little insulting when Kakashi quits carrying around Icha Icha in favor of a Self-Help Guide to Dating. And _aggravating_ when Gai comes to confront him over it, claiming that he must have done something Terrible and UnYouthful to Kakashi to make him act so out of character. Loudly. In public. It’s worse than Naruto calling him Ero-sennin. The rumors it starts are downright offensive. And earns him _totally uncalled for_ visits from Kakashi’s surprising number of overprotective friends.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 'tan' is a cutesy way of saying 'chan' and used almost exclusively to refer to little kids or affectionately between lovers in private, so Kushina is absolutely being utterly obnoxious on purpose by using it. _(It can also be used as a cutesy way to refer to oneself.)_
> 
> Kakashi just slipped a different cover on his Icha Icha out of spite, but his apparent choice of new reading material unnerves a surprising number of people, civilian and shinobi alike. Particularly when he giggles over it.  
> When Jiraiya leaves, he gives Kakashi a parting gift of signed copies of his entire Icha Icha series in hopes that the kid will go back to 'normal' at some point. As far as Kakashi's concerned, that makes all the fuss he stirred up entirely worth it. And as a plus, he's learned a new method of disturbing people.


	12. Favors

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Hyuuga call in their favor in an unexpected manner.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let's see...  
> First, I want you all to know how much I always appreciate your comments and that short answers probably just mean I'm very tired. Your comments make me smile and cheer me up.  
> Second, I was going to include some of Jiraiya getting threatened scenes, but this chapter just got so long. I may add them later. I'd be willing to consider adding other scenes if there are requests, too.  
> Third, can I just say Neji got extremely chatty out of the blue? I hadn't even really intended adding his pov. But I think it worked out well.

They are fourteen when Hiashi Hyuuga decides to call in his favor. Hiashi and his father Hiroki show up in formal robes, accompanied by Hinata, who is wearing her chunin outfit and hanging back shyly. The robes alone are enough to tell Sasuke that they mean to call in the favor the Uzumakis owe the Hyuugas, but the Clan head and former Clan head stepping foot into the former Uchiha compound voluntarily is _also_ enough to tell him this. He wonders if Hinata is along as a ploy to make them keep their tempers under control when they hear whatever it’s going to be.

After a moment, he decides that either it’s something Hinata doesn’t know about and they’re willing to upset her over, or she _does_ know and it’s nothing bad. Either way, it probably won’t be too outrageous. Sasuke is fairly sure that Hiashi has no ambition to perpetuate the Hyuuga/Uchiha feud and make it a Hyuuga/Uzumaki feud, and Hiroki is basically a crustier, less sensitive version of Hiashi as far as he can tell.

It’s a nice day and he and Sakura have been lazing on the porch, enjoying the nice weather on one of their rare days off from training or missions. “Hey, dobe! Come out here.”

Naruto comes out a moment later, drying his hands. Sakura hates doing dishes and the dishes suffer as a result, and Sasuke cooks out of self-defense (because Sakura was in her ‘diet’ phase when she learned cooking and thus only knows how to make salad and poached eggs, and Naruto’s idea of cooking is _still_ instant ramen or toast with a glass of milk that he still only remembers half the time to check the date on), so Naruto always ends up doing the dishes.

“Hey, teme, you didn’t tell me we had visitors.” Naruto complains and tosses the dish towel on his face.

Sasuke sputters and drops it on the porch before trailing Naruto out to meet their guests. Sakura finally opens her eyes, groans and mutters, and follows them down more reluctantly, obviously irritated at having her impromptu nap interrupted. She hangs back much like Hinata is doing, if for differing reasons. He knows her well enough to be glad of it. Possibly delicate negotiations don’t need Sakura’s temper in the mix.

“Hyuuga-sama, Hyuuga-san, Hinata. What brings you here today?” Naruto greets in his normal cheerful tone, only his use of the correct honorifics showing that he understands this isn’t just a visit.

 “Uzumaki-sama, Uzumaki-san, Uzumaki-san.” Hiashi inclines his head slightly, acknowledging them in return, showing he understands that they are Naruto’s advisors just as much as Hiroki is his. “I have come to offer you a marriage contract on behalf of my daughter, who has indicated to me that she holds you in affection, Uzumaki-sama.”

If he were the type to gape, his mouth would be hanging open in shock. He's more than a little shocked that Hiashi would waste such a favor on Hinata’s behalf. Apparently he holds his firstborn in more affection that he allows to show. Though, on the other hand, it _does_ have the benefit of getting Hinata out of a position that is rather awkward for the Hyuuga clan, given that she’s their _former_ heiress. And the Uzumaki clan does not have the political power to be able to set terms. It doesn’t miss his notice that an alliance between the clans has _not_ been offered.

Naruto frowns. “I-I’m not sure that would work, Hyuuga-sama. She’s pretty young, and I’m _certain_ she dislikes me. And I thought Clan heirs weren’t supposed to marry Clan heads from other clans because of…um. Divided interests?”

There is a silence as they all process that Naruto thinks that Hiashi is offering _Hanabi_ to him in marriage. Sasuke refrains with a great deal of effort from facepalming.

Behind them, Sakura sighs, sounding very put upon. “He means Hinata, Naruto.”

Naruto blinks. “You do?”

Hiashi nods, expression carefully blank.

“Oh, well then why didn’t you just _say so?_ It’s not like you ever treat Hinata like she’s your-”

Sasuke elbows him sharply, because really, there _are_ some things you shouldn’t say even to bad parents. “Naruto-sama would be honored to marry Hinata-san.”

“I would?” Naruto looks at him in surprise.

“Yes, you would.” He says firmly. For one thing, he’s positive Naruto doesn’t care who he marries as long as it’s someone who doesn’t dislike him and won’t cause problems in the clan. Other than a short-lived crush on Sakura, Naruto’s never shown any interest in romance, easily letting other goals supersede any urges he has. For another, he’s pretty sure Hinata’s the only female who both _likes_ Naruto and knows enough about how their relationship works that she won’t throw a fit over their unconventional sleeping arrangements. Sasuke is selfish enough to value that and pragmatic enough to know that if sleeping arrangements change, his resultant lack of sleep will make him a monster to live with.

Naruto turns back to Hiashi, a thoughtful expression on his face. “I would be honored to marry Hinata. However, I would like to ask you a favor. As my wife, Hinata will become a target for my enemies. So I would like to provide her with a bodyguard.”

“Are you saying you think Hinata is weak?”

“What? No, of course not. ‘ttebayo!” Naruto sounds a genuinely shocked at the accusation. “And I don’t worry about her being on duty, because she has her team. But there will be times when she has clan duties and should have someone to have her back then, too. So I was wondering if you would be willing to let one of the branch clan join the Uzumaki clan as well, to guard her.”

“It is a reasonable precaution.” Hiroki puts in unexpectedly. “My own wife might still be alive, had I thought to give her a guard.”

Hiashi tosses his father a startled look, then nods gravely. “Were you thinking someone in particular, Uzumaki-sama?”

“Well, I know Neji.”

Sasuke chokes slightly, because Neji is the _angriest_ ball of angst he’s ever had the displeasure of meeting, and that includes Sakura when she’s overtired, pmsing and sugar deprived. _It isn’t a coincidence that they always make sure to have a mission that time of month or that Sakura has the highest threat rating in the bingo book among the three of them because of that. It’s always much, much safer to sic her on an enemy._ To ask a _favor_ of the Hyuuga just to get _that_ is one of the stupidest ideas he’s ever heard.

Even Hiashi and Hiroki look taken aback at that. “Neji is…problematic in that regard. He once tried to kill Hinata in front of me. And he doesn’t respect those who aren’t stronger than him.”

Naruto beams. “Oh, that’s not a problem! I’m stronger than him. And I know he won’t try to hurt Hinata again. Besides, wouldn’t you rather have him away from Hanabi?”

 _Oh._ Sometimes Sasuke underestimates Naruto’s ability to read people. He’s not so much _asking a favor_ by asking for Neji as a clan member as _offering to take a problem off their hands_. Not offering the Hyuuga another favor to call in later, as saying, ‘marrying Hinata isn’t something to use your favor on, let me do you a _real_ favor’. It’s unexpectedly diplomatic of him. He waits to see if the Hyuuga will take it.

Hiroki is staring at Naruto with an odd expression that Sasuke can only interpret as the beginnings of respect. Hiashi looks oddly indecisive about it, which he doesn’t know what to make of. But Hinata…Hinata is staring at Naruto like he’s the center of her world and he just made her very, very happy.

“I…I w-would like niisan to come with m-me, Otousama.” She offers her opinion shyly.

Hiashi looks at her beaming face, then at his father, who just raises his eyebrows and lifts his shoulders in a slight shrug. He turns back to Naruto, a slight frown on his face. “Naruto- Er, may I call you Naruto?”

“Of course, Hiashi-san!” Naruto beams at him, probably glad to drop the formality.

“Naruto, then. I have some concerns about this. Neji has never mentioned that he believes that you are stronger than him, and he is a jounin while you are a chunin. I would like to see proof before I agree to this.”

“Sure. Should we use our training grounds, yours, or a public one?” Naruto agrees sunnily.

Sasuke can only hope this isn’t a disaster in the making. To his knowledge, Neji and Naruto have never fought. But he’s seen his idiot Clan head fight, and he’s seen Neji fight, and he honestly can’t say who is stronger. People look at Neji and think _genius_ ; people look at Naruto and think _idiot_ , and while those things aren’t _wrong_ , the truth is more complex. Both of them train almost obsessively, wanting to be stronger, stronger, strongest. But what people forget about Naruto because he’s so bullheadedly straightforward, is that he’s a trickster and he learns techniques at a startling rate as long as they don’t require fine chakra control. What people overlook about Neji’s genius is that he’s _inflexible_. While Naruto’s general fighting style _is_ at a large disadvantage against the Hyuuga style, Sasuke can’t honestly say that there’s not a _chance_ that he’ll defeat Neji. Unfortunately, that leaves probability still firmly on Neji’s side.

“Just use the Hyuuga one.” Sakura says on a yawn, and Sasuke knows it’s entirely because she doesn’t want to be bothered with fixing _theirs_ after the match is done.

They use the Hyuuga one. It’s ridiculously narrow, which will work against Naruto, who prefers loud, flashy techniques that require distance, when he’s not abusing the kage bunshin to pound someone with his fists. Neither will work well against a Hyuuga in close quarters like this.

It takes them a while to locate Neji, and by then they’ve drawn a crowd and Sakura is asleep on Hinata’s shoulder. Sasuke is now positive that Naruto’s assessment of Hanabi is dead on, given the way she’s glued herself to Hinata’s other side and is glaring at Naruto. He’s also pretty sure she’s under a massive misconception about just _what_ this fight is about and thinks Neji will be defending Hinata’s honor or some such rot. _As if Hinata can’t defend her own honor? Please._

Neji isn’t told anything beyond, “You are to have a match with Uzumaki-sama. Do the Hyuuga proud.”

_(The following match goes much like the canon match between them in the chunin finals, except with less monologuing on Neji’s part and more ingenuity on Naruto’s part, because the author’s too lazy to make up a new scenario, and they didn’t get matched in this version’s chunin tests.)_

Neji’s face is carefully blank when he rolls to his feet rather than surrender, wobbles quite visibly, and has to admit that he cannot continue.

The Hyuugas are stunned silent, both at the skill that Neji has displayed and that he has lost. Until Sakura lifts her head, yawns, and asks, “Has Naruto won already?” As if it’s a given.

Hinata giggles.

Hiashi gathers himself and steps forward to stand by the two combatants. “Alright, you may have him.” He says to Naruto, then faces his clan. “I have the honor of announcing the engagement of Uzumaki-sama and my eldest daughter Hinata. And, as you have seen, Neji has won the right to accompany Hinata and join the Uzumaki clan when the marriage occurs.”

Sasuke sees Neji go dead white, but the older boy doesn’t make any protest despite obviously understanding that by _‘won the right’_ , Hiashi means _‘lost the right to say no’_. He has to admire the way Hiashi spun it to salvage Neji’s pride though, so he doesn’t feel obligated to resent and undermine his new Clan head. Of course, it’s questionable that Neji will actually _appreciate_ that and offer Naruto his respect.

The spectators burst into a flurry of congratulations and respectful questions. Naruto gets drawn into it briefly until he announces that he’s leaving the arrangements to Hinata and Sakura. Sasuke dodges out of the conversation by going over to offer Neji a hand up and a sad attempt at sympathy. “On the bright side, he’s too stupid to be malicious unless you start it.”

Neji gives him a _‘what the hell?’_ look, but takes his hand and gets unsteadily to his feet. “It seems my fate in life is to serve Hinata-sama.”

A snort of amusement escapes him without permission. “I think you’re misunderstanding something here. It wasn’t Hinata who asked for you to come with her, it was Naruto who asked for you and Hinata who backed him up. Kami only knows why, given I’ve never seen you treat either of them with anything but contempt. Hiashi didn’t want to allow it.”

“I underestimated Naruto.”

“You did.” He agrees, because it’s the simple truth. “And you’ll do it again and again, if you don’t give him with the respect he’s earned. There is nothing Naruto Uzumaki does better than surprise people. Even those of us who know better than to underestimate him. He won’t demand that respect. He’ll laugh if you challenge him and jump in cheerfully. He won’t do anything at all to you unless you try to hurt what is his.” He smirks at Neji. “That includes you now, in case you missed it.”

Neji’s brief expression of horror is entirely worth the glare that follows it.

~

Three months later, just after the wedding, Neji is _convinced_ that the Uzumaki clan is insane. The fact that he is one of them now does nothing to alter this opinion, even though he is _clearly_ the only sane one of the bunch. When he protests the insult to Hinata-sama of being forced to share a bed with a third party Naruto gives him an uncomprehending look, Sasuke smirks, and Hinata-sama and Sakura give him pitying looks.

“It’s alright, niisan. I knew about it when I asked Otousama to ask for m-marriage on my behalf.” Hinata-sama assures him.

“That doesn’t make it alright!”

“Saa, they aren’t lovers, so calm down.” Sakura says, patting his shoulder on her way to the kitchen to make tea.

Neji shudders. _Sakura’s tea is awful._ It’s also the only thing she’s allowed to do in the kitchen. He’s not willing to find out what that says about the rest of her kitchen skills. Although the fact that the clan has no civilians to do such chores is _outrageous_.

“Which house do you want?” Sasuke asks.

He shakes a finger in Naruto’s face. “You need a chaperone! And why don’t you have any servants?”

Sasuke and Naruto exchange looks and Sasuke shrugs. “It’s not like I sleep in my room anyways. I can move my stuff and you can have a room here too.”

Naruto scratches his head sheepishly. “And about that, civilians don’t really like me, so…”

~

A week later, Neji is _still_ convinced that the Uzumaki clan is insane. Watching Ino tease Hinata-sama into stammering and blushing, asking her how she enjoys having two men in her bed, he turns on Sakura accusingingly. “I thought you said they weren’t lovers!”

Sakura looks up from her medical book and blinks at him blankly for a moment, then notices the conversation and gets an _‘oh’_ look on her face. “Hey, Ino-pig. Get your mind out of the gutter. I never said those two have sex.”

 _“What!?_ But you said that Naruto’s the only person Sasuke likes!”

“Well, _duh_. If you hadn’t noticed, he dislikes fangirls, sycophants, people who don’t respect him, people who don’t respect _Naruto_ , people who don’t respect _me_ , people who say bad things about his brother or family, people who make stupid assumptions, people who don’t try, people who damage his things, and people who have nothing interesting to talk about.”

There is a brief stunned silence, and then Ino asks in a baffled tone, “So is there anyone he _does_ like?”

“Naruto.” Sakura answers promptly, then tilts her head consideringly. “And maybe Hinata. A little bit. Though that might be more on the side of _‘doesn’t dislike’_ than likes, I guess.”

“So, what? He just considers the rest of us to be Naruto’s friends, not his?”

Sakura laughs and puts her book aside. “No, no. You don’t get it. Sasuke doesn’t think like that. He doesn’t _have_ to like you, but he does consider you friends. He doesn’t like _me_ and he thinks of me like a sister.”

“That makes no sense.” Neji states the obvious.

“Pot, kettle.” She retorts, giving him a knowing green-eyed glance that makes him flush slightly. “I think the only person he liked before Naruto was his brother, and we know how that turned out. The only thing those two had-have in common was how much they cared-care for him. Itachi was willing to burn down the world to save him. Naruto would refuse to burn down the world and save him anyways.”

“Maa, maa, that’s not all they had in common.”

Neji startles unpleasantly at the unexpected voice and even Ino and Sakura twitch. Hinata just smiles. “Why do you say that, Kakashi-san?”

“Saa, Itachi was and Naruto is very kind, you know. And they both want world peace. Well, wanted, in Itachi’s case.” Kakashi eye smiles at them over his scandalous book. “Sakura, you may want to make sure to tend that cut over Sasuke’s eye when they get here, if it’s still bleeding. I may have made them a teensy bit angry.”

“Kakashi-sensei!” Comes an outraged shout from the porch and running footsteps.

Kakashi eye smiles again and disappears in a swirl of leaves.

Naruto thunders in, looking furious. “Where did he go!?”

“Naruto, take your shoes off in my house!” Sasuke yells from the entryway and then stomps in himself, half his face covered in blood from a cut over his eye. “You are scrubbing the floor tonight, dobe!”

“U-Um, Kakashi-san is gone, b-but shouldn’t we g-get Sasuke’s eye treated before we worry about Kakashi-san?”

Naruto huffs and turns to look at Sasuke. “Fine, but I’m going to kill him later. Wow, teme, you look like you murdered someone.”

“Oh, shut it, dobe.” Sasuke growls. “Sakura, can you do something about this?”

~

A year, three months and two days later, Neji is no longer _convinced_ that the Uzumaki clan is insane, he knows it is true with bone deep conviction. Somewhere, somehow, Naruto has figured out how to remove the Caged Bird seal without harm and has removed Neji’s without even explaining first what he was doing. Since Naruto’s general interest in seals consists of _‘how many explosive tags do I need to buy this month to restock from missions?’_ to say Neji was startled would be a vast understatement.

When he asked, “Why would you do this for me?” Naruto had given him an indecipherable look.

“You’re not a slave, Neji. You’re an Uzumaki. Why _wouldn’t_ I do this for you?”

And Neji had had no good answer to that. No way to understand this Clan head who would take tradition and fate and shatter them like a cheap glass dropped on the ground.

Unfortunately, that moment of inexplicable freedom had led to _this_ , his former Clan head and his current Clan head arguing about it, and Neji can feel fate reaching out to claim him once again. He dreads it.

“You’ve gone back on your word!”

“I don’t recall there being any mention of keeping the seal intact.” Naruto replies calmly. As if Hiashi-sama’s wrath is nothing to fear.

“You said you would keep him away from Hanabi! Instead you’ve put him in direct line of inheritance by removing that seal!”

Neji is honestly baffled by that assumption. Never once has Neji thought that it was the seal that divided him from clan leadership, only freedom. He resents Hinata-sama and Hiashi-sama for their parts in his father’s death, but none of his actions have been for the purpose of trying to prove that _he_ would be a better _leader_ , merely that he is _better_ despite the seal. That his _father_ was better than to die as some pawn for their mistakes. The branch house wouldn’t follow him anyways. He knows he is no leader.

“No, I haven’t.”

“Yes, you have!”

“No, I haven’t. Neji is an Uzumaki. An Uzumaki cannot inherit the Hyuuga clan. And I’m not giving him back. He has no reason to resent Hanabi, so he won’t harm her.”

“That’s assuming he’ll obey you without it!”

He is even more baffled by this accusation. Does his uncle think he only obeys those who can overmatch him in a fight? That’s ridiculous.

Naruto pauses, then beckons Neji, who thought he’d gone unnoticed, over. “Neji, do you obey my orders?”

“Of course!” he answers promptly, insulted by the notion that he would not.

“Why?”

“You’re my Clan head.” Neji has not, ever, not once in his entire life, disobeyed a direct order from his Clan head.

“And if I gave you an order you considered foolish, would you still obey me?”

“I…might argue.” It would be safer, perhaps, to give an easy lie, but he doesn’t wish to lie to Naruto.

“But would you obey me?”

“Yes.”

“Why?”

“Because you’re my Clan head.”

“And if I gave you an order to go out and die, would you do it?”

Neji hesitates, because he knows what the _right_ answer is, but… “You wouldn’t do it.”

“But if I did?” Naruto persists.

This time though, Neji is sure. For the first time he really sees what his cousin has always seen in Naruto and lets that understanding settle deep into his soul. “You wouldn’t do it. You wouldn’t tell me to go die; you’d tell me to come back intact.”

“So if I was forced to send you on basically a suicide mission?”

“I would…succeed and come home to let Sakura yell at me for getting hurt while she patched me up.”

Naruto beams at him. “And if I could never beat you in a fight again, would you want to be Clan head?”

The sheer horror of the thought of being responsible for the lunatics who make up the Uzumaki clan strikes him speechless. It must show clearly, because Hiashi-sama chuckles.

“I see. I apologize for bothering you with my concerns, Naruto. It seems you were correct.”

It’s Hiashi-sama’s turn to be beamed at. “No worries, Hiashi-san. I’m good at beating sense into temes, ‘ttebayo!”

“I do believe you.” Hiashi-sama agrees, amused. “Naruto, have you thought about what you want to do in the future?”

“I’m going to revive the Uzumaki clan, get an S rank in the Bingo book and become the strongest ninja and then I’m going to be Hokage! ‘ttebayo!”

Hiashi-sama’s eyes widen slightly. “I see. Those are ambitious plans. I wish you luck, Naruto.”

As Hiashi-sama sees himself out, Neji contemplates the invisible, glinting shards of inescapable fate lying shattered around him once again and thinks about the notion of Naruto as Hokage. It should be _impossible_ , and yet… And yet… He is no longer Neji Hyuuga of the branch house of the Hyuugas. He is Neji Uzumaki; he is _free_ , and there is no one in this world who he respects more at this moment than his idiotic Clan head who refuses to sacrifice others and sees little difference between slaves and nobles.

~

Karin has _had_ it. She hasn’t heard from Orochimaru in _months_ , and the minor lord has mentioned that Orochimaru rarely asks anything of him anymore. To make matters worse, his son has been talking about marriage, and she’s beginning to run dry of lame excuses to put him off. There’s a lot of things she’d do for Orochimaru, but living out the rest of her life doing nothing but pouring tea and reading terrible poetry is _not_ one of them. She is a kunoichi and she needs _out_ of civilian life before she snaps and starts killing people at random for the fun of it.

Her chance comes when she sees a Hyuuga passing through the marketplace alone. Even without the Leaf hitai-ate, the eyes are unmistakable and the Hyuugas only live in one place. Honestly, at this point, she doesn’t _care_ what country she ends up in, as long as it isn’t Rain or Grass, it’s just that not many ninjas pass through here. And the Leaf village has a reputation as _nice_ , which she largely discounts, given Orochimaru’s history, but at the least they might be willing to take her in. Also, last she heard, Orochimaru had moved Kabuto away from Konoha, so it will take him time to locate her there if he bothers looking at all. She doubts he will, at this point.

She leaves a clone behind, not even bothering with a kage bunshin, given how little interaction is expected from her, and sneaks out to find the Hyuuga. Remarkably, he is still in the marketplace, looking at hair ornaments of all things.

“Hyuuga-san.”

He looks up with a cool expression, forbidding on his pretty face. “I am afraid you are mistaken. It is Uzumaki-san.”

Karin blinks at him in confusion. “How do you know my name? Do you know me from somewhere?”

The Hyuuga gives her an odd look. “Perhaps we should start over? Who are you, and why do you wish to speak to me?”

She remembers belatedly that the Hyuuga are a noble clan and might possibly take offense at strangers approaching them, and bites her lip nervously, dropping a small curtsy. “I am Karin Uzumaki and I was hoping you could help me out. I am being pressured into a marriage I do not want, and I do have some training as a ninja, but, um, it’s been a while and um…”

“You would rather have a companion than risk having to fight alone should someone try to retrieve you?”

Swallowing hard, she nods. “Yes. I can pay you. And I would be willing to work for your village, if they would have me.”

For some reason, this makes him laugh. “I cannot _wait_ to introduce you to my Clan head.”

She gives him a leery look. Joining a clan is not in her plans. “Hyuuga-san, I hardly think introducing me would be worth your lord’s time, much less yours.”

“As I said, you are mistaken. My name is Neji Uzumaki. My Clan head will be _thrilled_ to meet another Uzumaki by birth.”

Karin stares at him until her eyes go dry and start watering and moisture drips down her cheeks. “There’s other Uzumakis left?”

He lifts a hand and brushes the inadvertent tears off her cheeks with a couple fingers. “Yes, yes there are.”

So maybe she falls just a little in love with him right then. It’s not every day someone tells her something she’s always wanted to hear with no motive to use her.  
  
_She has relatives_.

~

Her introduction to Konoha is…well, a bit unexpected, all around. At the gate, Neji politely introduces her to the gate ninjas, who just say, “Another one? Here. Citizenship application papers. Turn them in by the end of the week.”

Then he takes her to see the Hokage, who is a blonde woman with a large enough chest to give Karin a serious case of boob envy. The Hokage is a Senju, who are apparently related to the Uzumakis somehow, and Tsunade has even closer ties through her grandmother, who was an Uzumaki. They have a nice chat and Tsunade lets her fill out the papers and turn them in right there in her office, which she gathers by Neji’s slight expression of surprise isn’t a usual boon. She’s not sure if Konoha doesn’t know of Orochimaru’s connection to Otogakure, or if Tsunade just doesn’t care, but the papers are stamped _Approved_ and now she is a citizen of Konoha. It’s an odd feeling.

The Uzumaki clan house is a little odd too. It’s cozier than she was expecting, and the front door is a two-piece door with the top half open wide for some reason. The dining room they pass has a picture window, which lets in a lot of light and overlooks a tidy garden. The sitting room is filled with comfortable furniture and soft rugs, and one side of the room is framed with a wide, open arch that looks like it was grown in place, the room extending beyond that, apparently having been expanded onto what was originally part of the veranda. There are a pair of windows set into that wall, with several lush plants hanging from the ceiling between them and the arch. The arch itself thrums with an odd sort of energy that makes her stare until she realizes that some sort of seal is embedded in it. Some sort of nasty trap aimed at any would-be intruders not keyed to it, she thinks.

There is a pink haired woman reading on one of the couches, and she doesn’t look up as she greets Neji. “Hey, Neji. Wasn’t expecting you back for a couple more days. Easy mission?”

“Yes, Sakura-san. Are Naruto-sama and Hinata-sama around?”

“Your cousin is out on a mission. As for Naruto…hm. I think he’s bothering Sasuke. Hey, idiot! Quit napping on Sasuke and get your ass out here! Neji needs to talk to you!”

A blond boy about her own age meanders in a few moments later, hair rumpled, dressed in black and orange. She knows without being told that _he_ is an Uzumaki by birth, the sheer amount of chakra within him is stunning, though why he is blond is an entirely different question. “Yo, Neji. Back already? I thought you were out for the whole month?”

“Naruto-sama, I would like to introduce you to Karin Uzumaki.” Neji says, a respect in his voice she hasn’t heard from him for anyone else, not even the Hokage.

The pink haired girl, Sakura, looks up in surprise, eyeing her as if she hadn’t noticed her before.

The blond blinks at her, then beams. “Neji! You got married!? That’s awesome!” He jumps on Neji enthusiastically and Neji goes over backwards, flailing as they go down. “I can’t believe you got married without telling me, though! You should have told me! I would’ve come!”

“Naru-”

“Where did you meet her? Her hair’s really pretty, huh?”

Another boy, with a streak of orange dyed into the long dark hair loose around his shoulders, a slight wave to it as if it’s been recently unbraided, meanders in from the same direction as the blond, taking in the scene with a faintly amused expression.

Sakura laughs. “He’s an idiot. I take it you were born an Uzumaki?”

“Naruto-sa-”

“She’s got glasses too. Does she need them? Or just wear them for show?”

Karin can’t help but laugh a little. She’s _never_ seen someone this exuberant outside of hyper three year olds before. “Yes, actually. I approached Neji-san to help me get out of a bad situation and he told me that I have relatives here.”

“Na-”

“She’s nice, right? You wouldn’t marry someone mean, would you, Neji?”

“Sasuke-san, help! Get him off of me!” Neji yelps, tone desperate.

The dark haired boy, Sasuke, picks Naruto off of Neji by the back of his shirt. “Maa, dobe, if you’re going to ask him questions, at least let him answer.”

“Thank you!” Neji says fervently. He pushes himself up a bit, but doesn’t bother sitting up fully, possibly leery of being pounced on again. “Naruto-sama, I did not get married. Karin-san is a relative of yours.”

“And no, you’re not allowed to jump on her, because she’s a girl.” Sakura adds drily.

“You’re a girl.” He pouts, hanging limply from Sasuke’s grasp.

“And what do I do to men who try to jump on me?”

Naruto consents to stand on his own feet and puts himself behind Sasuke, peeking over his shoulder as he answers meekly, “Break their spines, their ribs, and their faces.”

Sakura smiles sweetly. “Very good. And the moral of the story is?”

“Don’t jump on girls unless you know they won’t hurt you very, very badly for it.”

Neji sighs. “No. You don’t jump on girls, because you could _hurt_ them. Same for civilians and children. And old people.”

Karin tenses defensively as a white-haired ninja whose tightly controlled chakra all but screams _‘dangerous!’_ suddenly appears behind Naruto.

Naruto grins mischievously. “So I shouldn’t jump on Kakashi sens-”

The white-haired ninja casually brings the edge of his hand down sharply on the top of Naruto’s head, making the blond wince. “Yes, Naruto. I would appreciate it if you would refrain from jumping on your feeble old teacher.”

Naruto just laughs and buries his face against Sasuke’s shoulder, still giggling.

Karin relaxes, feeling a bit foolish when none of the others react to the sudden presence as a threat. Yes, she can definitely say that her introduction to Konoha is a _bit_ unexpected on all counts.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm going with the 'Uchihas being a bit obsessive in their affections' thing. It means Sasuke defines his relationships differently than an average person. He is Uchiha raised, after all, and his basic temperament isn't _hugely_ different.
> 
> Neji's use of all the honorifics is something that came about when he finally decided that Naruto was worth his respect. They have been unable to talk him out of it. In many respects, he is a very formal and duty-bound personality. His use of honorifics towards Hiashi and Hinata is probably mostly habit, but he is as protective of Hinata as he is resentful. Yeah, go figure. "I can try to kill her to make a point, but don't _you_ disrespect her!"
> 
> Neji's wrong. Sakura is allowed to make salads and poached eggs, she just doesn't very often. Ever seen a salad sliced paper thin with a surgeon's precision? She does those occasionally. The rest of the clan finds them mildly terrifying.  
> Naruto, Sasuke and Sakura decided early on that the Uzumaki clan specialty should be revived, so they do take regular lessons on sealing with Kakashi in a different location. Naruto's not much interested in _applying_ any of it unless he has a specific reason such as Neji's situation, but he's actually quite good at it. The seal on the archway is something he and Kakashi came up with together, and one does indeed need to be keyed into it to get through it unharmed. Naturally, the extension is the result of Sakura taking out a wall in a temper, and Tenzo grew the arch.
> 
> Naruto hiding behind Sasuke has a lot to do with that one mission that went sideways when Sakura was PMSing, kind of lost track of where the boys were for an instant during a fight and reacted on reflex to Sasuke moving. Fortunately, Naruto was close enough to lunge between them or Sasuke would probably be dead. Naruto himself would be a parapalegic and have severe breathing issues if not for the fox's healing, given that her blow shattered some ribs and his spine. It took him a few hours to be able to move again or breathe without a lot of pain. Sakura's been a lot more careful since, and so have the boys.  
> Yeah, she's 15 and has an A rank threat rating in at least four Bingo books and an S rank in a couple.  
> Kakashi's around a lot. And Naruto absolutely knew he was there when he said that. They've made him practice his sensor abilities quite a bit.
> 
> To clarify a bit, Sasuke and Naruto are not physically attracted to each other. Sasuke is not physically attracted to either Sakura or Hinata, and Hinata is not attracted to him. Sakura _is_ attracted to Sasuke, but she's not going to try to make a move on him because she wants someone who will love her back (romantically). It's just that Sasuke can't fucking chill out when he's wound up unless someone makes him, and holding him still and making him sleep is the best way to do that. So at this point? Habit. And no one sees the need to change it. It's sleeping arrangements, not sex arrangements. Naruto, if you recall, _does_ have his own house next door, so they'll probably go there for privacy. And eventually, Sasuke will kick Neji out of his bedroom _(Neji also has a house, despite protests)_ and have a private place when he gets around to finding someone.  
>  Hinata and Naruto are married, but not having sex yet. Basically Sakura and Hinata decided that with the Hyuuga clan on one side and Naruto on the other, it was best to push the wedding through quickly before either side could find some way to make things go spectacularly wrong.
> 
> I'm not against writing threesomes or foursomes, it's just that these particular characters in this particular fic are not involved in one.


	13. Sakura on dating

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sakura meets a guy. Sakura asks a guy on a date. Tsunade is amused and gets drunk. Sakura gets drunk.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There was probably supposed to be something else in this chapter, but cannot remember what...so. Oh well.

They are sixteen when Sakura first sees the white haired man cheerfully balancing a load of beams over one shoulder as he walks with casual ease through the marketplace. At first, she thinks he’s a retired shinobi, but a second look proves that white is his natural color and he’s too young to be retired from anything but severe injury, which he quite obviously doesn’t have. Intrigued, _and not just because he’s good looking_ , she meanders over to get in his way.

_Dang_.

He isn’t a pretty boy like Sasuke, but that doesn’t make him any less attractive to her eyes. Tall and strong and using chakra as reinforcement so delicately and casually that it’s obviously habit. There’s only one problem. Despite his use of chakra, his chakra levels are barely above standard civilian, lower than most genin. _Of course the first guy she’s attracted to after Sasuke would be a civilian. It’s her kind of luck._

On the other hand…it’s not like her clan would care. The clan has exactly two civilians. Jora and her daughter Aviva, two foreign women who had been looking to settle in Konoha and didn’t know or care about the local prejudice against the Uzumaki clan and had been happy to accept Neji’s cajoling offer to join the clan and help the ninja members with cooking and cleaning and occasionally other domestic chores.

Of course, given her luck, he’ll hate her on sight just because she’s a ninja, so it’s probably best to not expect anything good.

He’s skilled at weaving through the marketgoers without hitting anyone, so it’s not necessity, more reflex that has her reaching out and stopping the swing of the beam as someone calls out to him and he turns towards them. Surprise has him pausing to blink at her. “Ninja-san?”

She flushes slightly. “Ah, sorry, reflex. Large objects coming my way are usually meant to cause damage. I don’t often see civilians using chakra, though.”

He laughs cheerfully, a pleasant sound. “Sorry about that, ninja-san. I did go through the Academy, clan tradition and all that, but washed out after graduation because I have too little chakra to be useful in a fight. I’m much handier and happier as a civilian.”

Sakura blinks. “Clan?”

“Senju. Though sadly, Tsunade-hime and her adopted son are the last of us with significant chakra. We lost too many of our ninjas in the wars, so we’re mostly a civilian clan now.”

It’s a little odd to hear someone besides Jiraiya call her shishou ‘hime’, since Tsunade is Hokage, but it makes sense that a clan member would call her that.

The old man, who had called out before, calls out again, and the Senju smiles at her. “It was nice to meet you, ninja-san.”

She is left staring after him blankly as he walks away to see what the old civilian wants. _Yeah…_ that’s not the reaction she’s used to from guys. Even civilian ones. After a moment, she shakes her head and gets back to browsing through the market.

~

It’s not the last time she runs into him. Over time, she learns that his name is Yuuto, he’s very popular among the civilians in the area because he’s always willing to use his chakra-enhanced strength to help others out if needed and just as willing to lend an ear to whatever one might have to say, respects ninjas and civilians alike, and he thinks she’s pretty.

Hearing the last stuns her enough that she forgets to respond, and he ends up chuckling and walking away again before she can recover.

When she _does_ recover, she ditches her planned shopping in favor of finding her shishou. She’s not sure why Tsunade is throwing the desk out the window _this_ time, but doesn’t bother to ask as she skids to a stop in front of her. “Shishou!”

Tsunade gives her a look of concern. “Sakura?”

“Please give me permission to date one of your clan members!”

Her shishou looks startled, then amused. “Seriously? Did they say you had to ask me? Well, have at it. I’m surprised we have any Senju shinobi left.”

Sakura flushes, realizing how crazed she must look at the moment, and makes a vain attempt to regain her dignity. “Ah, um. No. I mean, he’s a civilian. And, uh, he didn’t say that. I just…thought I should ask first. To be sure. You know. In case it mattered to him. He calls you Tsunade-hime. So. Um. Yeah.”

Tsunade tilts her head for a moment. “Well, you are my student. So asking is proper, I suppose.” Then she chuckles. “You might want to calm down a little before you ask him, though.”

“Right.” She nods vigorously. “I’m definitely going to do that.”

“Uh-huh.”

~

“Will you date me?”

Yuuto stares at her long enough that she turns red and shifts her weight uncomfortably. “Are you sure? I’m older than you.”

It’s true, he’s at least half a decade older, but… “Life’s short. I could die tomorrow on a mission.”

He doesn’t wince, doesn’t flinch, just stares at her a bit longer, before saying, “I would be honored.”

At first, she’s afraid that he’s just humoring her, sparing her feelings, but he seems to genuinely enjoy dating her, even taking her home to meet his mother, who is as blonde as shishou’s perma-henge. She’s a very no-nonsense woman with a kind smile and likes to mother Sakura.

Sakura might be a little spoiled by the attention, to be honest.

When she invites him over to meet her clan, she warns him that assumptions will be made because he’s the first guy she’s ever dated seriously. “And my Clan head will probably assume we’re getting married or something, but Naruto’s an idiot, so you can ignore him. Seriously. He thought Neji had married Karin and that’s why he brought her home, and she’s Naruto’s _actual cousin_.”

Unfortunately, she has vastly underestimated Naruto’s penchant for dramatics and Yuuto’s reaction to it.

Naruto takes one look at Yuuto and starts backing up, looking scared. Then, of all things, he turns to run, only to bounce off Sasuke, and yells in his face, “Sasuke! Sakura brought home the Nidaime’s ghost!”

Sakura facepalms. _Of course_. Naruto’s terrified of ghosts for some inexplicable reason, and he’s probably spent more time than anyone staring at the previous Hokages’ visages because he idolizes them.

“Don’t be an idiot.” Sasuke says grumpily, steadying Naruto briefly. “Does he have facial markings? No. And his features aren’t sharp enough to be the Nidaime. He’s probably just a Senju. Not a ghost.”

Yuuto looks highly amused by this and gives a slight bow. “I am Yuuto Senju, Uzumaki-sama. Nice to meet you. I’ve never heard that I look like the Nidaime before, but he was a cousin.”

Naruto turns around, still trembling, and eyes him warily.

“He’s my boyfriend.” Sakura clarifies before he can come up with some other ridiculous conclusion.

It is a _mistake_.

Naruto instantly goes from suspicion to joy. “Wow! I didn’t think there were any Senjus left besides baa-chan and Tenzo! I think that makes us cousins! Does that make us cousins? Wait, you need to meet Karin and Neji, too. Sakura, I can’t believe you found one of my cousins to marry!” He squints at Yuuto, getting right up in his face to get a better look at him and Sakura takes a moment to notice that he’s actually not a shrimp anymore. “You are marrying Sakura, right? That’s so cool! You are, right? Sakura, when’s the wedding? Do you need Hinata to help you plan it? Or do you have like, all the lists and stuff done already? I mean, you had those for my wedding, I think. Right? Oh! And Neji can help you too, if you need anything. And Karin too! Jora was just saying she thought we should throw a big wedding for you when you found someone. And wow, I can’t believe you found someone to marry. I thought you’d be, like, stuck on Sasuke forever. You are getting married, right?”

Sakura doesn’t even know where to start on that rambling mess of assumptions and questions. “He’s-”

Before she can clarify, Yuuto quits staring at Naruto with a stunned expression, turns on his heel, and leaves.

She stares after him in horror for a good ten minutes until Naruto getting all concerned and sticking his face in hers snaps her out of it. With a moan, she covers her face and sinks down on the nearest couch. “You scared him off. I knew this was going to be a disaster. Why did I ever think it might not be a disaster? You scared him off and now he’s never going to talk to me again. Do you know how hard it is to find a civilian who isn’t scared to death of dating S-ranked kunoichi? And I didn’t even get to have sex! I should have at least done that before I let him meet you. This is all your fault, Naruto!”

Sakura would hit him, she really would, but watching Yuuto walk out of her life without a word has drained all her energy and all she wants to do is sleep and eat icecream until she dies. _It just figures that her luck is this bad. She’s never had any luck at all with men._

“I’m getting Ino.” Naruto says in a _‘don’t die on me’_ tone and scurries off.

_Fuck him_. She’ll die on the couch if she wants to. At least it’s nice and comfy and has the benefit of being a location that will share her misery with anyone who ventures into the house.

~

Tsunade stares at her paperwork with bitter dislike and contemplates whether Shizune has confiscated the bottle of sake in her drawer or not. She really wants a drink, but she doesn’t want to be disappointed, so she’s stalling on checking.

_“Hey, you can’t go in there!”_

She looks up in interest as her office door opens abruptly and in strides a young man who remarkably resembles her long-dead great-uncle Tobi. Well except for the eyes, and the lack of tattoos, and the height, and the less sharply angled facial features… Okay, maybe the resemblance isn’t that striking after all, but definitely a Senju.

“So?”

The youngster bows politely, determination written all over his posture. “I beg your pardon, Tsunade-hime, for interrupting your busy day. However, this cannot wait. I would like to ask your permission to marry your apprentice.”

Tsunade raises her brows. “Why are you asking me, not her?”

“Because one must receive permission from their Clan head to marry out of the clan.”

“Ah.” _She should have thought of that possibility_. “Permission granted. Have at it. Sakura’s good people.” She gives him a careless handwave to indicate he should take himself off to do so.

He bows again, agreeing, “She is. Thank you, Tsunade-hime.”

After he excuses himself, Tsunade indulges in laughter and doesn’t give a shit when it means that several stacks of paperwork accidentally end up on the floor because she’s laughing too hard to be careful of them.

Shizune walks in and eyes her oddly. “Lady Tsunade?”

“Shizune! We’re skipping today. I think I figured out who that brat’s mother is. Mizune definitely deserves some companionship and sympathy drinks.”

“Lady Tsunade!”

Decided, she ignores Shizune’s protests and stalks out of her office to find the brat’s mother and go get drunk together. The paperwork can wait another day. Or two. A mother definitely deserves to get drunk when she finds out her son is getting married and joining his wife’s clan.

~

Sakura is tucked up on the couch with Ino and her team, eating icecream and the occasional chip from Chouji in between long pulls on the bottle of sake Ino had shown up with, when Yuuto walks back in, passes her without a glance, and walks right up to Naruto, who bristles visibly on her behalf. Even Sasuke glares at him. Well, Sasuke glares at everyone, so that’s normal, but the glare has more venom than usual, which is touching.

“What do you want?” Naruto’s tone is hostile.

Yuuto pauses, looking taken aback by the tone, then shakes his head minutely. “Uzumaki-sama, now that I have gained the permission of my Clan head, I would like to ask your permission to marry Sakura.”

Naruto gapes at him.

Sakura points her spoon at Yuuto and slurs, “Did schee- he justch ass- aschk what I think he didsz?”

“Yup.” Ino says, looking gleeful.

“Troublesome. I think the Uzumaki clan just increased its idiot quotient.” Shikamaru mutters.

The icecream slides off her spoon to plop on Chouji’s hair. He winces and offers it back to her, then eats it when she ignores him.

“W-Well, I have no problem with it, ‘ttebayo. But don’t you think you should ask her, not me?” Naruto finally gathers his wits to say.

Yuuto nods firmly, as if taking it as a direct command. “Thank you, Uzumaki-sama.”

“Er… You can just call me Naruto.” He protests weakly.

Without acknowledging that, Yuuto turns and strides over to the couch, goes down on one knee, and says, “Sakura, marry me.” There’s a pause, then he adds. “Please.”

Sakura just stares at him, spoon still held out blankly, until Ino elbows her.

“That expression means ‘yes’.” She explains helpfully.

“Troublesome.” Shikamaru sighs in beleaguerment. “What she means is that Sakura thought you’d dumped her, so she’s having a little trouble processing that you’re asking her to marry her instead.”

Yuuto blinks. “She what? Why would she think that?”

“Maybe because you walked out without a word?” Chouji suggests, munching on a chip.

He pales in realization, his complexion almost matching his hair. “Oh, kami. Sakura, I would never- My mother _adores_ you. And you’re just- You’re mine. Please be mine?”

A giggle breaks Sakura’s paralysis and she blinks to see Kakashi crouching a few feet away, nose buried in a copy of Icha Icha as usual. “Aww, my cute little genin is all grown up now. She’s getting a romantic proposal and everything.”

“I- Uh. Yes! Yesh, I’llz marry youz, Yuuto.” She drops her spoon, making Chouji wince again as it bounces off his head, then uses her hand to grab a handful of white hair and drag Yuuto closer so she can plant a sloppy kiss on his mouth. _Best day ever!_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _‘Sakura’s good people’_ \- For those of you who might not know, this is a colloquialism, not a typo. It’s the equivalent of ‘a good person’, but with more encompassing implications. Kind of hard to explain, because the meaning can vary a bit based on context. It’s basically saying she’s a very decent human being, rather more concrete belief than simply a casual ‘a good person’ would imply. Also, it can imply that the description _includes_ her relatives, or that the description is in _spite_ of her relatives. Though in this case, Tsunade is simply referring to Sakura directly.
> 
> Between Tsunade and Mitsune, Hinata, Jora and Aviva, and Sakura’s mom, the wedding planning gets rather out of hand and is one of the largest ever seen in Konoha, and ends up being a double wedding with Karin and Neji. After Karin gets miffed that Sakura’s getting married ahead of her and asks an astonished Neji, who sees no reason to refuse, as they have been sort of dating for a while. Sakura’s dad gives her away, while Naruto gives away Karin.
> 
> Sasuke and Kakashi stand for Sakura, Aviva and her mother Jora stand for Karin, while some Senju relatives stand for Yuuto, and Hinata and surprisingly Hanabi stand for Neji. _(Because I have zero knowledge of Asian weddings and not enough motivation to look it up.)_ Yuuto takes the Uzumaki name rather than Sakura taking the Senju name or them both keeping their clan names. Karin and Neji are both already Uzumakis, so that doesn’t change. The reception has a lot of unfamiliar foods that most of the attendees have never tried before.
> 
> Yuuto (written as: ‘Kind’ and ‘Shining bright’) Senju- Civilian Senju clan member, early twenties, rather sturdily built for a Senju but still on the ‘lean build’ side, white hair, much like a somewhat stockier, taller, rugged-looking Tobirama without the tattoos and with blue-grey eyes. Went through the Academy and was a genin for a few months before it was concluded that his chakra levels were never going to be sufficient to make chunin unless he compensated with sheer skill, and he didn’t have the natural aptitude for ninja life to thrive in it. Given the choice to stay genin or go civilian, he dropped out to go civilian and was happier for it. He’s a cheerful, kind and generous man, who has plenty of respect for ninjas and civilians alike, and quite often helps people because he can. Given that he can casually haul around would normally require several strong men, a ninja, or an oxcart to move, pretty much no one ever picks a fight with him.
> 
> Mitsune (written as ‘real, genuine’ ‘constancy, always’) Senju- Civilian Senju clan member, Yuuto’s mother. Blonde. Resembles Tsunade, but older looking, more matronly, and not as er…well-endowed. No-nonsense and kind hearted. Dotes on Sakura. In her mid-forties.
> 
> Jora (Autumn Rain) and Aviva (Spring) Uzumaki- _Very foreign_. Adopted into the Uzumaki clan as civilians. They speak the language rather badly, but are generally understandable. Picture the equivalent of Jews _(disclaimer: Not actual Jews, because I’m pretty sure Naruto world doesn’t stretch that far, just the names are Jewish)_ showing up in Konoha speaking a pidgin of Yiddish and Japanese, and cheerfully making strange foods that no one has ever seen before but they mostly find tasty and filling _(and which if mentioned by name will probably be Jewish or middle eastern type foods)_.


	14. Sasuke and Kisame each find someone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sasuke finally finds someone. Kiba accidentally provokes his mother into spontaneously getting married, much to his distress.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, this isn't edited, and the ending is a bit rough. But this is the last chapter.  
> If you have questions, let me know.

_Itachi._

His first thought on seeing the woman. And then.

 _Kaa-san_.

She is neither, of course. But the resemblance is stunning. A third and fourth glance shows that she is a civilian, and not even originally from Konoha at that. A fifth let him see that she is a couple years older than him at most, and the careless, casual everyday joy lighting her face that had never been present in his brother’s or mother’s that he can recall. Too worn down by the stresses and tensions in their lives to do more than smile tiredly or smirk slightly.

It’s… _riveting._

But after a moment, he shakes his head and walks on. Just because she looks like his once-family doesn’t mean he can justify bothering an unknown civilian going about her business.

~

“Looking for someone?”

Sasuke _absolutely does not_ jolt and squeak like a startled kitten. He crosses his arms and turns to face the amused civilian woman. “Of course not.”

“Really now? I was curious, because you come by and stare at me for a few minutes several times a week when you’re not off on missions. Am I under suspicion for something, sir shinobi?”

“What? No! I mean, not to my knowledge. Should you be?”

She laughs merrily. “No, really, why do you always stare at me?”

He flushes slightly and admits, “You look a lot like my mother did. Sorry, I was trying not to be weird and bother you.”

She tilts her head and looks him up and down, then studies him for a minute. “It would be less weird if you actually came over to talk to me. I like talking to people. Even weird jounin.”

Sasuke thinks about protesting the ‘weird’ part, but he’s an Uzumaki, arguing it is a lost cause. And most jounin _are_ weird. Asuma’s probably the most normal one he’s met and the man thinks _trench knives_ are a good weapon and _shogi boards_ are reliable intelligence tests.

“I don’t know what to talk about.” He confesses. Usually Naruto or Sakura or Hinata or Karin or their friends carry the bulk of the conversation, and he just adds bits here and there.

Another merry laugh spills out of her mouth. “You can start with your name. I’m Suzuno Arai.”

“Uzumaki Sasuke.” He replies automatically.

“Uzumaki? That’s a ninja clan, right? The crazy one?”

Sasuke pouts, but he really couldn’t deny the crazy part in good conscience. “Hn.”

“I assume that means ‘yes’. Sorry if I offended you.” Suzuno tugs on his elbow. “Come tell me about them while I do stuff, okay?”

“Hn.”

~

_Seven years earlier…_

Kisame looks down at the person who just bounced off of him, and blinks. “It’s been awhile, pretty Inuzuka-san.”

Tsume looks startled.

“Oh look, it’s Pony-san.” Kuromaro remarks.

 _Pony-san?_ He’s been called fish face and shark breath, and other things, but pony is a new one. And Tsume Inuzuka is blushing. _That’s interesting._ “It’s Kisame, actually, but if that means you want to be on top, I’m willing.”

She crosses her arms, turning even redder before taking a deep breath. “It isn’t that. Shibi said that you didn’t get to be one of the Seven Swordsmen by being a one trick pony.”

He stares at her for a moment, then throws back his head and laughs. Konoha is so _interesting._ Even giving people like him complimentary nicknames. “Shibi your husband?”

Tsume snorts. “Teammate. My husband died when Hana was two, and Kiba’s dad ran off with some little flighty thing who let him pat her on the head, and cooed about how strong and manly he was, as soon as he heard I was pregnant.”

Kisame grins at her. “I’d still let you be on top. And I definitely wouldn’t run off if you got pregnant. Think of the pups we could make together.”

She avoids his gaze by scowling down at Kuromaru who is doing nothing to stifle his snickers. “My youngest is twelve, you know? If you want pups, you should be looking at younger women.”

It’s his turn to snort. “Maa, the elders want me to establish a branch of my clan in Konoha, but I don’t really care about that. Pups or no pups, a strong woman turns me on.”

Her eyes narrow dangerously. “If you want me, I’d better be the _only_ strong woman who turns you on.”

He considers that for a few seconds, wondering if that’s an Inuzuka trait or the result of her last man being a coward, then shrugs. “Sure. I’m the loyal type anyway.”

~

_Current day…_

_“Saaaasukeeee!”_

Sasuke looks up in alarm just in time to be tackled to the ground by Naruto, who is as overenthusiastic as usual. “Dobe, what-?”

“Why haven’t you brought your girlfriend by yet? I hear she’s really pretty! You didn’t even tell me you were dating! Whyyyy!?”

 _This is why._ “You know I don’t like fuss. I _do_ remember your reaction when Sakura introduced Yuuto.”

Naruto rears back, surprise plastered all over his expressive face. “You’re going to marry her? By the almighty ramen kami, this is great! I have to go tell Sakura and Hinata and Karin so they can start planning the wedding!”

“That’s not-”

He is ignored as Naruto jumps to his feet and runs off again.

Sasuke sighs and bangs his head against the ground gently. _That dobe._ He’ll have to ask Suzuno if she’s willing to come by and explain it properly. Kami knows Naruto isn’t going to listen to _him_ on this matter, if experience holds true.

~

_Seven years earlier…_

Kiba cringes at the sight of his mom with her legs wrapped around the waist of some weird blue-skinned guy she’s kissing like her life depends on it. The man is someone he doesn’t know, and smells faintly of _saltwater/fish/predator_. He claps his hands over his eyes and wails, “Mom. Eww!”

The blue skinned man breaks off the kiss to flash an amused grin at him, showing off the sharpest teeth he’s seen outside of ninken. _And are those gills?_ “This your youngest pup, Tsume?”

His mom looks around and scowls at Kiba. “Yeah, that’s Kiba. Why are you home, pup?”

“I was just going to get the book Shikamaru loaned me so I could give it back, but now I’m _traumatized for life!”_

The-The _interloper_ chuckles. “Get used to it, pup. Just think of me as your stepfather.”

“No way! Only mom can be Clan head!”

Akamaru whines his agreement.

His mom grumbles and slides down to stand on her own. “Don’t get worked up over nothing, pup. The elders want him to establish his own clan, so he wouldn’t be an Inuzuka even if we got married.”

“You’re getting _married!?_ Mom, you _can’t._ What if you scare him off like dad? Wouldn’t the elders be really angry if you scared off an entire new clan? Besides, you’re too old to-” He breaks off with a yip at suddenly finding his mother’s angry face about half an inch from his.

 _“Do not_ call me old, pup. And not every man is a coward like your dad was. I’ll marry who I want. _And you. Will. Be. Respectful._ Am I understood?”

“Yes!” He squeaks, not stupid enough to defy his mom in her current mood. _Oh kami, he’s going to have to warn Hana that they’re getting a fish for a father! The world is officially doomed!_

~

_Current day…_

Suzuno blinks at him, then her lips quirk in amusement. “Your clan is a bit ahead of itself, don’t you think? You haven’t even asked me yet.”

Sasuke gapes at her, then turns red. “Hn.”

She laughs and pats his arm. “Sure, I’ll come and explain that we’re just dating.”

~

_Seven years earlier…_

Hana finds her mom pouring tea for a massively muscled blue-skinned man. “What’s this Kiba was babbling about you marrying a cold fish?”

Tsume’s hand jerks, spilling tea and she curses.

“Sharks are mammals.” The man remarks as she cleans up the mess. “And I hardly think I’m a cold fish in bed.”

Hana chokes. “Too much information! Wait, Kiba meant you? Aren’t you the Tailless Beast, Kisame Hoshigaki, one of the Seven Swordsmen of the Mist?”

“You’ve heard of me?” He looks pleased.

“S rank missing nin? I should think so. I _am_ a ninja. So, mom, you’re marrying him?”

“And what of it?” Tsume asks defensively, wringing out the sopping dish towel over the sink.

“Hm.” She looks Hoshigaki over thoughtfully. Her mom hasn’t dated since that fiasco with Kiba’s father. “Cute. He’s your type, right? Do I call him tou-san now?”

Hoshigaki laughs. “You can if you want, pup. I like this one, Tsume. She’s smart.”

“Well, Kiba’s never been all that bright.” Tsume mutters.

Which is true, but unlike her mother to comment on, since it’s obvious that Kiba’s going to be better at the clan techniques than Hana will ever be and is the logical choice of Clan heir. Which is just as well, since she has no intention of fighting for the ‘privilege’ of dealing with mind numbing politics and keeping their rowdy clan under control. For Tsume to comment on it, she must be really pissed at Kiba. Though that’s understandable, given Kiba’s probable reaction, since he’s always blamed their mother for driving off his father, even though he’s never even met the man. Or maybe _because_ he’s never met the man. _Hana_ was certainly never impressed by him.

Hana shrugs. “Offer to show him some techniques and he’ll get over it fast enough. You know how he is. Oh, and Hoshigaki, before I start calling you ‘tou-san’…” She offers him a saccharine smile. “I’m a medic nin. Don’t you _ever_ hurt my mother.”

He cocks his head as if curious over the threat, then nods amiably. _Well, it’s probably the first time the Tailless Beast has been threatened by a medic. At least he’s smart enough to understand it’s not an empty threat._

~

_Current day…_

Sasuke keeps his hand clasped over his Clan head’s mouth with grim determination as Suzuno explains the _actual_ situation to the women of the clan. He flinches when Naruto licks his hand, but refuses to let him win by moving it.

“So you’re not engaged?” Karin asks the obvious, disappointment clear in her tone.

Suzuno smiles at her. “No we’re not. Because I haven’t asked him yet. I was afraid his clan would disapprove, you realize?”

_What!?_

“Hwigh nuhuh dupoove!” Naruto exclaims, flailing, apparently unphased by the fact that he’s unintelligible through Sasuke’s hand.

Sakura looks between them and Suzuno a couple times, then smiles. “Naruto would never disapprove as long as you make Sasuke happy, and quite frankly, we were beginning to think he was asexual because he never looks at anyone. I think you should ask him.”

_What!?_

Suzuno looks searchingly in turn at the three women and Naruto, then nods decisively and stands. “Sasuke Uzumaki, will you marry me?”

 _Well, there’s only one answer to that. If Suzuno is willing to have him, he’s never going to object._ “Of course.”

Somehow Naruto manages to twist free, and Sasuke suddenly has a babbling Clan head plastered to him and there are delighted feminine squeals and babbling about weddings filling the room and…

_Oh, fuck. He’s getting married, isn’t he?_

~

_Current day…_

Kiba staggers into the clan compound, with a gleeful four year old attached to each arm, looking tragic.

Sasuke opens one eye where he’s lying on the porch, hiding from wedding plans, and sighs. “Hinata! Visitor for you!”

A couple moments later, the door opens and Hinata peeks out. “Kiba? Is something the matter?”

“Yes! Mom’s pregnant again and throwing up, so I’m stuck watching the twin terrors. _Help me!”_

“Um, Kiba, I would love to, but…” She gestures down at her pregnant belly.

He collapses dramatically on the porch, to the giggles of the white-eyed twins. “I’m doomed!”

“I, um- I’ll go get Naruto.” Hinata says and hurriedly retreats into the house.

Sasuke doesn’t blame her one bit. The Hoshigaki twins aren’t exactly malicious, but they’re strong and rambunctious and sometimes it’s hard to tell the difference. At least they got Tsume’s looks instead of Kisame’s, other than the eyes and faint green tinge to the girl’s skin and slight blue tinge to the boy’s. Okay, and the small gills, but even those are far less noticeable than Kisame’s. Typical of Kiba to foist off nii-san duties on Naruto, who has endless energy.

Throwing up sounds miserable, though. Is it because Tsume’s in her forties? Or is it a typical pregnancy thing? He hasn’t noticed Hinata throwing up, though. Hopefully it’s the former. He never wants to see Suzuno miserable. Though, if it’s Tsume’s age, he should probably tell Tsunade-sama to check on her. With a groan, he rolls to his feet, ignoring Kiba’s questions, and trudges out the gate. _Tsume better be grateful for his effort._ Maybe she’ll consider it repayment of the favor he still owes her?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Baby sharks are called pups, so it’s a coincidental overlap in clan terminology.  
> Incidentally, sharks are not mammals, but many of them do give live birth, which is a mammalian trait.
> 
> ‘Current day’ just means ‘now’, not that all the scenes happen on the same day.
> 
> Kisame’s daughter inherited his massive, water-oriented chakra, but his son inherited the Inuzuka type chakra even though he’s technically a Hoshigaki. So the Hoshigaki clan in Konoha ends up matriarchal after Kisame’s generation.
> 
> Tsume doesn’t consider it repayment, but only because she never thought of Sasuke owing her a favor to begin with.
> 
> Sasuke is horrified to find out that throwing up, aka ‘morning sickness’, is a common early pregnancy ailment.
> 
> Naruto and Hinata’s first child is not Boruto. For two reasons. 1. Hinata got pregnant at a different time, due to timeline alterations (and I’m pretty sure you understand biology enough that I don’t have to explain how that works). 2. Neji threw a fit over the name and insisted on something less stupid-sounding. They do, however, name their second child ‘Himawari’.
> 
> Karin and Neji end up having three girls, all of whom inherit Karin’s looks and temperament. Only the youngest inherits the Byakugan.
> 
> Sasuke and Suzuno have three boys and a girl, all of whom inherit the Sharingan, due to a combination of Suzuno’s watered down Uchiha heritage and Sasuke’s high chakra. Fortunately, the council is retired by the time they discover that, and they are able to keep it a secret, so it’s nearly two decades before rumors spread that there are Uchihas in Konoha again.  
> Only Sakura is ever curious enough to look up genetic records and figure out the truth, and she decides that sharing it is definitely not worth the drama that would result.  
> Meanwhile, Sasuke is still annoyed at Itachi leaving him his eyes, and selectively destroys various Uchiha records (including the family tablet thing), and only writes a brief summary of the Mangekyo’s existence as a replacement.  
> Something like: _“The Mangekyo is not something to be sought after. Its origin is in relentless guilt and self-blame, and its use causes blindness and emotional instability. It is the second stage of the Sharingan, characterized by a unique pattern evolving. However, should one happen to evolve the Mangekyo, it is recommended that one trade eyes with a sibling or close genetic relative, as this should resolve the visual acuity issues. This is known as the ‘Eternal Mangekyo’, presumably because our ancestors were pompous windbags who confused lack of visual deterioration with eternal life. The Mangekyo does not extend life, and in fact makes one a target for those craving to steal its power. It should be noted, however, that this is a pointless endeavor on their parts. In all history, there is only one known successful transplant to a non-Uchiha, because of the massive chakra drain the Sharingan taxes on those not of Uchiha heritage, along with an inability to return it to an inactive state between uses.”_  
>  It is several generations before an ~~Uchiha~~ Uzumaki develops a Mangekyo again, and by that time, Sasuke’s explanation is the only easily accessible one, so healthier coping methods are adopted than used by the Uchiha clan historically. Including mandatory therapy.
> 
> Did I miss anything?
> 
> Oh, right. Sakura and Yuuto also have several kids, with varying shades of hair and some distinctly Senju-ish chakra traits and Sakura's instinctive chakra control. I had a more thorough explanation of the kids at some point, but can't remember at the moment.


End file.
